19 September, 2020

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Best Practices From The Raja Political Academy 

By Gotamini Hathurusinghe

If you want to succeed in getting elected, these tried and tested practices are a must

Background 

The Raja Political Academy has been in existence for the last 100 years. It has produced 3 generations of politicians from the time the first generation “Grandfather” decided to wash the mud off his back, as he was a farmer/landowner and entered Sri Lankan politics. What is so special about this Academy is that it follows the educational method of learning by doing. The members of the Faculty Board have been there, done it, employed conventional and unconventional methods to succeed. In the process several records have been established and their methods of political strategy are the most successful in the world. In fact families from several countries have expressed their interest in learning how to stay in power and have the engagement of a maximum number of family members in the most powerful positions at the same time. The record of the Raja family:

* 6 members form 2 generations in the same government. Siblings hold the most important posts of President and Prime Minister

* In a former government one brother was Speaker, while the other was President. The same government appointed one brother as Secretary Defence and another as the Head of the Northern Province Development Task Force.

* In the government of 2005 to 2015 over 300 family members and friends were appointed to high posts in the government, semi government and other Authorities. Companies owned by sons and nephews were awarded state enterprise contracts to the tune of millions and billions

The Academy

Based on the family’s intensive and extensive experience in successful politicking several training Faculties have been set up in the Academy.

1. Public Relations Faculty: The aim of this Faculty is how to build relations with the public. One of the essential training modules is;

 Touchy and Feely

* Targeting a larger number of babies, especially those who seem the friendliest, carry them, cuddle them and kiss them. If there is a hint of a child crying in your arms return to parent immediately

* Zoom in on all the Grandmothers and hug them. Ask how they are.

* If there are young and beautiful girls in the communities you are canvassing, invite them home and the rest is another story

* Always wear your traditional suit with a distinctly coloured shawl, but if one family member refuses and is in Western clothes that is fine to build relations with the West.

* Always entertain the public who come to visit you or Missions from overseas with traditional Sri Lankan food and drink, does not matter who bears the cost. The first question should be how are you today and have you eaten?

* If possible grow a moustache and have a macho image. This works well with the women folk especially from the Village. They need the image of violence and strong arm. The more thuggish your image, the more votes you will get.

2. The Welfare and Populist Measures Faculty:

 Rice and Bottle Elite Module

The main points of learning by doing are

* Organize Welfare Measures to get your votes. The underpinning principle is “ No matter what, especially the Sinhalese are dependant, servile, greedy, parasytic and disloyal. They do not care about the country in the long term” It is better to keep them in this mode for the survival of the Raja firm. Learn how these qualities vary between different regions, however the difference is not much.

* Throughout your preceding term of office if there is one, use public resources to distribute handouts wherever the family goes. Make a huge song and dance when handing over these items. If possible put in a greeting card to the family saying ” vote for us in the next election.” This should be practiced all the time, not only close to elections but well before. This should be done especially at times of disaster or emergencies when people are desperate.

* Close to the run up to elections have Open day where voters have free meals 24/7 and alcohol. Make sure this is done systematically by having a “family card” system. These cards should make them eligible for buffet style meals and ration packs which will be delivered to their doorstep. 

* Material assistance – Other items that appeal to women especially should also be distributed. Items such as sil redi,  blenders, ovens, kettles, school bags, are very popular among 52% of the population.

3. The Religiocultural Idealogue Faculty

Whip up nationalism Module

This is the most important module as it can whip up a frenzy of false loyalty towards race, religion and country even among the most lazy and laidback person. This strategy has to be practiced for a minimum of 5 years. At strategic moments one must show that the country is in danger, the Sinhala  race might become extinct and that the religion is under severe threat. The best defender of the race and religion should be a macho priest and a saffron robed army from the majority religion under attack and the scape goat offender would be a Muslim(s). If no Muslim is available to be shown up as the offender then select a Christian or a Hindu. While a drama is being created about the “threat” to the Sinhala Buddhist, engage with  the scapegoat’s high priest such as the Arch Bishop or the chief Moulavi, so that an impression of making peace can be given to the masses. With this make sure nationalist frenzy is created to the maximum. Then appear as the savior to the Sinhala Buddhist masses and say that one wants to come forward to save the race and the religion. The country is not so important in reality.

This false ideology can be perpetrated if you have a fundamentalist senior group of professionals with misplaced loyalty to you and false loyalty to the country. This is the Senior Citizens Guidance League and the diaspora. They must be provided with a training on how to promote your family members to win elections. The most important part of this training is to portray the incoming regime in this case the Raja family as being akin to Royalty.

4. The Faculty of raising Finances 

This will enable continuity in politics for the next 5o years. Without funds all is lost. This is the most important Faculty as if raising funds goes well, buying over people and resources is made easy. 

The selling of National Assets and Money Laundering Module

* Awarding contracts based on build, operate and trade (BOT) to foreign governments and their contractors is the most lucrative method of earning huge commissions, adequate to run unlimited numbers of election campaigns and to assure a comfortable life for many generations

* Signing agreements with local contractors for infrastructure development without following required processes and procedures also for large commissions.

* Selling national assets and making large profit margins also as commissions

Therefore in conclusion the intensive and successful political engagement of over two decades of one family based on the 4 strategies/faculties mentioned above should be the recipe followed for populist politics by any political party that wants success. Keeping the masses less analytical and discerning through an antiquated education system will be another method to be explained in the future.

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Latest comments

  • 18
    3

    The Raja Political Academy is also very forward-thinking in its operations. It has already booked a multi-family cell in hell. But they don’t know that the jail-guards are going to be the victims of 2012 Welikada prison massacre.

  • 6
    2

    Hello Gotamini Hathurusinghe,
    Your essay makes a mockery of the modus operandi of the Rajapaksha family but it does not explain why the SLPP has been so successful. Perhaps, the essay is intended to be of satirical value and nothing else.
    There is clear evidence that all political parties have been corrupt, although there have been no significant convictions yet. Politicians look after each other.
    Either the voters are absolute fools OR there has been something that resonated with the Sinhalese Buddhists voters. I think the latter is true because Sinhalese Buddhists go easy on the Rajapakshas notwithstanding all the allegations of corruption.
    Ranil was presented with the last opportunity (to even consider Ranil will have another opportunity is pure fantasy!), which he squandered in style.
    Ranil’s style of running the country (MS was a mere spectator) with his group of confidantes was perceived as a secret operation to undermine the Sinhalese. Such a perception gained credibility when the state intelligent services were compromised. Easter bombing was the catalyst that brought back memories of the fear psychosis.
    People will never forget the bond scam. Nor will people forget Ranil’s attempts to play it down and then finally allowing the perpetrator to leave the country. Sadly, Ranil has been successful in destroying the UNP.

  • 7
    0

    The “Picture” speaks and conveys the “FUTURE”. We will have another “KOVIL” located in between “Devundara” (Dondra) and “Katharagama” and that location will be “Madamulana” (Tangalle). There were “Thousands” who rushed to “Madamulana” on 9th January 2015 ( in Defeat) and on 7th August 2020 to worship the same “Defeated” in “Victory”. I am not an “Astrologer”, but my “Gut Feeling” is this is going to happen in the “Future”. Better for the “People” to look for some way to “Worship” in Rhym” with the recital “Haro-Hara”. But please, please don’t follow once a “PM”, Ranil Wickramasinghe who stood up in Parliament and called upon his courtier of MPs to shout after him “Kauda Hora”. Have a nice day and enjoy life of the future.

  • 1
    0

    Gotamini, thanks for exposing the so called intelligentsia. I do not blame the politicians , it is the public who keeps bringing them back.When a public elect , people who are sentenced by court, for murder or rape and hand over power, how do we find those criminals at fault. It is the immoral public who are at fault. The Nawalapitiya guy who was recently sentenced to death, for alleged murder has been rewarded with maximum preference votes. Same with Pillayan.

  • 2
    0

    My efforts to make this much-esteemed forum to be an easy-going web page where written humour in a decent lingo has borne fruit.
    \
    Even though the likes of Adrian [ he has vanished into thin air ] and now Stanley is now attempting to be a copy-cat.
    \
    As the esteemed author with foresight has clearly exposed the sordid doings of the soon to be unpalatable foul-smelling Rajapuk’s, who if they still take the suffering people to be fools will have their own fart bombs explode on themselves.
    \
    What on earth happened to the 2 billion rupees donated to the presidents’ fund.?
    \\
    Not a whisper or a whimper heard about it.?
    \
    Hopefully, it is not another helping Hambantota fund where the main suspect instead of being jailed for life is still running free and wild.?

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