21 October, 2020

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Mahinda-Museveni Dialogue

By Shyamon Jayasinghe

Shyamon Jayasinghe

Shyamon Jayasinghe

Sri Lanka’s former President Mahinda Rajapaksa, with a grant from the yahapalanaya government took flight to Uganda a few days ago for its President Museveni’s fifth installation as President. While Mahinda was hanging around the palace waiting for the Palace guard to escort him, he confronted a young man named Boko- servant of the palace.

Boko: Are..you are the President of Sri Lanka, Sir. I recognised you with that red thing round the neck. We are most honoured to see you, your Excellency

Mahinda: eh..eh.. not exactly the President now. I handed over to my friend, Sira, but he lets me do what I want. I still run the show.

Boko: Oh! so in your country Presidents change?

Mahinda: Why not? We are a five star democracy. I actually made it six stars. We are the best in the world, my friend

Boko: In my case I was born 26 years ago but never saw any President other than our leader, Lord Museveni.

Mahinda: Ah? (Thinking) Really… he managed that long?

Boko: Some say he really lost this time. Anyway, the opposing candidate is now in jail. Good for Uganda.

Mahinda: Jailed for opposing?

Boko: No he was involved in a foreign conspiracy to oust our leader, along with NGOs. America and England behind this.

(A palace guard arrives and escorts Mahinda into the palace)Mahinda Rajapaksa and Museveni May 2016 Uganda

Museveni: Oh! My good friend, Mahinda Rajapaksa! I knew you will accept our invitation. Good you came. I wanted to have a chat with you. Not like just telephoning. Tell me what really happened to you?

Mahinda: I won the majority of votes anyhow

Museveni: But, then how?

Mahinda: No, it was the majority of the majority

Museveni: But I thought you were like King there with all the people worshipping you. I heard that song also and got it translated. Boosil made me understand that nobody can ever oust you

Mahinda: Yes, I am still very popular. (Shows picture) See the crowds coming to hear me. Like this everywhere.

Museveni: Then?

Mahinda: Western conspiracy-nothing else. Present man used to take orders from me saying,”Yes sir,Yes Sir.” But Western powers-you know America?

Museveni: (Angry, alights from his seat) America! Don’t mention that country. Bastards!

Mahinda: Yes, I gave America tight and now they are angry with me. They paid money to Sira and he undercut me and became the common candidate to oppose me. Sira ate hoppers with me for dinner the previous night and quietly crossed over in the morning. That’s what happened. But, Musa, how have you managed ..now for the fifth time..tell me …will you, please?

Museveni: Your fault you promised to consult me in your third year but never did that. Other strong men became more important for you.

Mahinda: Pardon me. Not really that….

Museveni: Did you not change the constitution to make it flexible so that you can contest over and over again? What an idiotic constitution you had.

Mahinda: Why not? Your Kasungo advised me and I brought the 18th Amendment. Then I can continue.

Museveni: What did you do to that Chief Justice woman? You know women can be dangerous?

Mahinda: Ah! We managed to impeach her and send her packing.

Museveni: Did you not send some annoyers to heaven?

Mahinda: Yes, why not I despatched them and my police said it were accidents.

Museveni: Shut the online annoyance?

Mahinda: Yes, I did that also. Number of sites banned

Museveni: Did you not keep your ministers with you by giving them contracts in their areas?

Mahinda: Did just that.

Musaveni: I’ll give you a good example of what I did recently. Listen to this story: In Kikyusa, a mud-street town, there was a Community Welfare Organisation that was in the habit of encouraging villagers to make complaints about bad government services. Some used to complain that Police were taking bribes to settle disputes, some said the local Councillor used to rape young girls. Some even started complaining against me – saying I was staying too long. What happened when the Secretary of the organisation came to extend registration my officers said they must think about it. One fine day the Secretary himself was missing. No more complaints after that.

Mahinda: I also had the white van for that. Only thing these HR rascals did not allow me freedom to do that and end the nonsense.

Museveni: But now? What are your plans?

Mahinda: Still trying hard with my troops in Parliament – you know those MPs…foolish fellows.. but they back me. I might do a coup like you did for old Idi Amin? The economy is going to come down soon because they cannot pay the debts I took from the Chou Chou fellows. I keep putting the blame on Sira’s government for all the ills done by my fellows. Can you help me – after all we are thick buddies?

Museveni: You know.. to be quite frank…I must look for some contracts for myself from your Sira’s team.

Mahinda: They won’t. They are yahapalanaya

Museveni: Who does not want money, my old President pal? Tell me?

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Latest comments

  • 28
    8

    The missing part in the dialogue

    Museveni. What else you did to hang on to power?

    Mahinda : I also kindled the racism. I created an organization called bbs and attacked Muslims. it turned to be boomerang

    • 12
      5

      Shyamon Jayasinghe

      RE: Mahinda-Museveni Dialogue

      Mahinda: “They paid money to Sira and he undercut me and became the common candidate to oppose me. Sira ate hoppers with me for dinner the previous night and quietly crossed over in the morning. “

      “Mahinda: They won’t. They are yahapalanaya”

      “Museveni: Who does not want money, my old President pal? Tell me?”

      Raigamaya and Gampolaya Comparing Notes.

      Looks like even Mahinda is beginning the believe in Yahapalanaya.

      Let us all sing

      MaRa MaRa Chatu MaRa
      MaRa MaRa Amana MaRa..

      • 6
        4

        Srilanka s most known Musalaya- Mahinda Rajapkashes meeting with Musaveni who has been prasiting that poor nation – will bring nothing to srilankens, but good points to current government… painting the picture further contrast telling th eworld, what a man Mahinda has really been. West and americans will see it that the current govt and their politics are unlike that of Mahinda for sure. This Mahinda should have been well aware. Next destination will be Belarus and Swaziland.
        Why not Mali or the like poor countries.. majority folks in srilanka has not even some to afford 3 meals today with sky rocketing price hikes in food and other items but the man who created this misery should be offered air ticket and loedging facilities for his trips… how paradoxail. Either the current administraton is sick or they have no other choice. And ballige putha Musalaya Rajakashe should think twice why he behaves so becoming a lauging stock to the world.

    • 5
      0

      Abu Mukarram ,

      “Mahinda : I also kindled the racism. I created an organization called bbs and attacked Muslims. it turned to be boomerang “

      you should tell that to stupid TGTE villager Usha S Sri-Skanda-Rajah who resided at colombo for a short while after marriage.

      The `Immigrant Looters Boomerang` that recoils on Tamil speaking Tamils from the time Islam arrived at Ceylon.

      The best that can happen is islamic doom so that humanness may prevail.

  • 15
    3

    The dialogue continued on one to one basis, behind closed doors, when the subject of “Money” was mentioned. It continued…….

    Museveni: You “fu..d” yourself by declaring that Presidential election two years before due date.

    Mahinda: I did it because with the 18th Amendment, I would have continued for ever and ever.

    Museveni: I told you. Your are an “ass hole”. You listened to some idiots who call themselves “Professors”. My foot. Those bastards know only what they read in books. That Sajin fellow would have been the ideal to follow. He comes closer to me.

    Mahinda: Then what would you think I should have done.

    Museveni: You already had that “M.F…r” the so called Leader of the Opposition in you pockets. You should have formed a “National Government” and made him the Prime Minister and allowed that sagging your own PM to kick the bucket. That so called the Leader of the Opposition wanted only to be the Prime Minister by hook or crook.If you did that he would never ever ask for the abolition of the Executive Presidency. See how your own Sira did it. You “f….r” knowing me very well did not care to give me at least a telephone call and ask. I would have told you to do that exactly and you would have been the President for life.

    Mahinda: Now that opportunity is gone, what must I do?

    Museveni: First keep those bastards who want you to be back including those “Professor” idiots, away and think of taking out some “Money” from where those are. Cut a “Deal” with Ranil behind the back of Sira. That can be done easily. You have only to have some black coffee and not that some “f….n” hopper feed. You do the same thing that Sira did. Now go back SOON and do that. Remember, act fast and hit hard like what I did to my opponent who came to “f…k” me.

    It was nearing time for the “ceremony”. Both hugged each other and promised to meet before Mahinda’s departure for further advice.

  • 21
    2

    Abu, one more important piece of discussion, omitted.

    Musaveni: How come after doing so much corruption and murders during your regime, no one is still charged or indicted.

    MARA : You know I am an ACE ROGUE of TSUNAMI FAME. I planted all the crooks in vital places and still continue to bribe them handsomely from the billions stashed overseas. These idiots will not even touch a penny of mine wether in Dubai,Panama, Ukaraine or anywhere in the world. I have a gut feeling that I can even to return to power with these billions, with the help of some learned idiots still holding onto my satakaya.

    Musaveni had no further questions.

    • 7
      2

      Musaveni had no further questions…. Mahinda turned muttering to himself:

  • 11
    2

    God save Ugandans from their MUSAlaya. God save us from our musalaya. We should offer up a prayer every night to send them to Yamaloka.

  • 8
    2

    That conversation about the Leader of the Opposition is amazing. I have pondered the same thought ever since the happenings that night on 8 Jan 2015.

  • 9
    3

    “The economy is going to come down soon because they cannot pay the debts I took from the Chou Chou fellows …..”
    Did you miss the fact that GR might be negotiating Rajapaksha brothers’ and their kith and kin’s defection to the US, bringing along with them the Secrets of Chou Chou fellows in the Indian Ocean in return for a comfortable living in the US with their ill gotten hoards of gold?

  • 5
    2

    Shyamon.

    What happened? You have left out the last Q & A.!

    Museveni: Anyway,my Friend,in which way can I help you now?

    Mahinda: Aney,I want to shift the location of my loot in your country.

    Museveni: No problem! But you must also tell me the location,so that it will be more secure.

    Mahinda to his side kick: Moo Museveni Kattaya! Vareng Medemulana yamu!

  • 3
    5

    “Ah Museveni, don’t laugh at me my friend…..after all, your Idi Amin ate human flesh. Your people will forever elect you because you will not eat their flesh.”

    “SAY WHAT!!!”

    “Yes my friend. After Buddhism came to Sri Lanka, we stopped eating human flesh. From eating human flesh, we became castist for a while, like our 2nd cousins the Hindus (who stopped eating human flesh when they discovered that tasty humans could also clean their toilets). Now we are an Egalatarian Democracy. We share and care, you know – Sira and I. Next elections, I might come back again (Ranil will remain permanent prime minister to collect the taxes).”

  • 4
    6

    Don’t give up your day Job mate…If you have one..

    Sunday Leader, One time bastion of Mr Shaymon’s clan,now exposes this Yahapalanaya even better than Sumanasekera.

    SL in fact directly challenges my figure LKR 15 Mil which I thought d Duminda was paying and the LKR 10 Million rent .the Field Marshall has signed up on his new digs in Kotte.

    It is, in,fact LKR 21 Million from Duminda and LKR 15 Million from the FM to their buddies per month.

    SL even exposes another deal which Mr Kundanmals has negotiated and got LRR 240 Million as Key Money for a building for another Ministry.

    Bonds I thought was the Hoy Cow But now they have 2 Cows to milk.

    Can the Sunday Leader please disclose the Land Lords of Mr Duminda and Mr FM ?.

  • 4
    1

    K.A.S Sumanasekera again!. We missed you for some time. Why don’t you read Mangala’s article in CT today? You will know your hero,Mara, better

  • 8
    1

    TO COMMENTATORS. Thanks for the many interesting suggestions for inclusion in the imaginary debate. I was attempting to adopt a specific artistic style that demanded a bit of subtlety. But please do continue your suggestions as I like to read them.Thanks

    • 0
      2

      hmmm….b-word and chou-chou…..

  • 6
    0

    It indeed pleases us to read some humour and satire at times. This is a clear case of Birds of a feather flock together and we can add many a phrase to please ourselves to our hearts content.

    What interests us most is the basis in which the Foreign Ministry spending money for Rajapakse’s jaunt to meet his Ugandan Brother. If the Foreign Minister can say that others accompanying him must bear the cost but the exception is Mahinda, what is the big difference? Because Rajapakse has money to spend out of his pocket for airfare and hotel fare for others who travelled with him. It is also clear that at least one of them accompanied Rajapakse in the same compartment meaning that Rajapakse paid for his Super Class travel for security. Then, what is the compulsion for the Foreign Ministry to spend for him?

    It is very likely that tacitly he was asked to represent Sri Lanka and that part of the story may be masked. which gives him the right to ask for expenses be re-imbursed. Who would not ask for re-imbursement when it is possible? Clearly no member of this Government can attend the ceremony of an Anti-Western politician to the hilt. At the same time Sri Lanka needs the friendship of all African countries. What is the mid way? Recognize the invitation to Rajapakse as an official invitation. That position gains strength because I know that Foreign Minister alone cannot decide on money matters. A dialog that may have taken place at higher levels may not be made public.

    If what I surmise is true, then it is we the citizens that are taken for a ride for the political match of the politicians and we enjoy composing satires.

  • 9
    0

    MR has been given a rope by the YP government to hang himself. He appears in a poor light having gone to pay respects to a crook and autocrat in the company of global crooks and murderers. This exposes MR’s own set of values and his mindset. As Elizabth Jonklas reminds us, “birds of a feather flock together,” and MR is complicit in the tyrannical and corrupt style of leadership

    • 0
      0

      Piyumi, you are dead right.

      Mangala is no fool. This is a clever piece of rope he dangled and MR the simpleton swallowed it; hook line and S.

      You can tell a man by the company he keeps.

      No further proof is needed as to who Mahinda is, and Mangala is no fool to allow this to go without mention. All at the right time of course!!

    • 1
      2

      Well said Piyumi , if we were to leave that Rs 425 k out of the equation for a moment , think about the damage that MR caused for himself . had he been the President of SL , it would be ok to attend as the head of state , but to represent in personnel capacity ! in sinhala we say ” Hath pole ga gannawa “
      Mahinda is very cleaver at cheating , stealing , murdering , raping etc , but when it comes to basic common-sense , he is a mutt . naming all the mega white elephant projects as Mahinda Rajapakse , bringing down Salmon Kahn to promote himself for the 2015 PE, getting Mervin silva to insult a visiting UN chief , arranging government vehicles to paste mud posters against Hilary Clinton , impeaching CJ SB , jailing Gen SF are few idiotic actions come to my mind.

      Swaziland may be his next trip , Mangala please volunteer yourself , don’t miss the opportunity.

      • 0
        0

        Yes this is a political strategy of the current duo.
        None of them has issued any statement about his visit to the undemo country

  • 2
    0

    This is excellent Shyamon.Bensen

  • 6
    0

    Mahinda is like Mugabe…

    White dress does not suit to Mahinda because he is robber.

  • 0
    0

    A hilarious creative piece by Shyamon Jayasinghe! Look at the picture and see how pathetic MR looks. Did you notice that? MR is in a pleading posture. Maybe the last lines in the dialogue were real. MR would have pleaded Museveni to help him to get back to power.

  • 0
    0

    It looks that the writer and most of the followers are blind yahapalana guys. What we need now is not to talk about defeated MR. The rouges of this Government and its bad policies. Then only we can get something better for the country at least till the next election. This is time to get them to work for the country and not to enjoy the privileges and bark towards MR.

  • 0
    0

    chou chou? now is that not a derogatory term to use to describe the chinese people.

    • 2
      0

      Chinamen is a derogatory term is the USA but Lankan crocket fanatics have captioned a book as Chinaman.
      It’s a known fact that Lankans bite the hand that feeds them- look at the utilities and infrastructure the Brits have left behind unlike at other nations but how you folk scorn at them at every turn?

      French: (term of endearment) chou (m)
      chou chou is same as buddy buddy.

  • 0
    0

    The rogues of this government are none other than the cross-overs from the Rajapakse batallion-Nanda

  • 0
    0

    The beggar bastard must have gone there on his hands and knees with all the stolen billions and asked Museveni for shelter.

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