{"id":118221,"date":"2014-01-09T12:20:26","date_gmt":"2014-01-09T06:50:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.colombotelegraph.com\/?p=118221"},"modified":"2014-01-16T01:46:36","modified_gmt":"2014-01-15T20:16:36","slug":"mister-roger-proxys-malted-barren-lockets-and-custard-buns","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.colombotelegraph.com\/index.php\/mister-roger-proxys-malted-barren-lockets-and-custard-buns\/","title":{"rendered":"Mister Roger Proxys Malted Barren Lockets And Custard Buns"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Gongalay Gotabanda<\/span><\/a> –<\/b><\/p>\n

\"Gongalay<\/a>

Gongalay Gotabanda<\/p><\/div>\n

The short satire that appears below is a tribute to Lasantha Wickramatunge<\/span><\/a>, who was killed five years ago by the attack dogs of cowards who could not stomach the truth. I did not know him personally, but I admired his fearless reporting and enjoyed reading his many exposes about corruption in the government and the military. Terrorism in Sri Lanka raised its ugly head in the 1970s and again in the 1980s and has continued unabated since. But state sponsored terrorism has plagued this country since independence. State repression by various governments has been the cause for most of the country\u2019s ills since 1948. When State Terrorism is defeated, other forms of terrorism will die a natural death. While thinking of the depths this country has sunk to since independence, I was reminded of George Orwell\u2019s famous novel \u201c1984.\u201d The characters in his novel were lucky in that they had to contend with only one villain who was called \u201cBig Brother.\u201d But the unfortunate people of this country have to contend with a \u201cQuadrumvirate of Big Brothers\u201d and their armed goons. Let us sincerely hope that this \u201cNepotistic Dictatorship\u201d that we live in today, will someday soon become a \u201cDemocratic Republic\u201d where each one of us is guaranteed the right to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n

<\/i>Mister Roger Proxys Malted Barren Lockets and Custard Buns<\/b><\/p>\n

Sri RogerPakistan on Planet Mirth (2009 AD):<\/i><\/p>\n

The Global Recession on Planet Mirth had reached an all time low. Foreign exchange had dwindled to a trickle and Sri RogerPakistan was on the verge of bankruptcy due to a long drawn out \u2018HOOmanitarian Crusade\u2019 that had entered its 30th year. The DickTatorship decided to take the bull by the horns and makes drastic cost cuts to all its ministries.<\/p>\n

The four telephone operators at Hotel de Temple Palace were the first to be laid off, and the hotline was taken over by the Foreign Ministers 10-year-old niece who had arrived on the Utopian Paradise (another name for Sri RogerPakistan) for the Crossboobeemas holidays from the Peoples Autocratic Utopia of Shyna.<\/p>\n

\u201cHello, operator! Have there been any messages for me?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJust a minute, let me check\u2026er\u2026no nothing here. Oh wait here\u2019s one. It\u2019s from a Mr.Prebio\u2026a Mr.Prebiocarrom. He says\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPrebiocarrom? Are you sure it\u2019s\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, Prebiocarrom, that\u2019s right. The message is\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut I don\u2019t know any Mr.Prebiocarrom!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, it\u2019s Prebiocarrom. Let me spell it out for you. P-R-E-B-I-O-C-A-R-R-O-M. Do you want the message or don\u2019t you? I\u2019ve got other calls here and I\u2019m all alone at the switch board as the other four girls have been laid off!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat is the message?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt says you are to remove your malted barren lockets and custard buns from KillerNooSee by\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMalted barren lockets and custard buns? Are you sure it says malted barren lockets and custard buns?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, that\u2019s what the message says. Why, don\u2019t you have any malted barren lockets and custard buns in KillerNooSee?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you certain\u2026maybe you made a mistake?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo\u2026let me spell it out for you\u2026its M-A-L-T-E-D B-A-R-R-E-N L-O-C-K-E-T-S
\nand C-U-S-T-A-R-D B-U-N-S\u2026to be removed from K-I-L-L-E-R-N-O-O-S-E-E. He wants you to remove them by\u2026by\u2026Tossday\u2026or is it Thosayday, I can\u2019t make it out. One of the other girls took down the message before she was laid off. Anyway he wants you to remove them from KillerNooSee either by Tossday or Thosayday or something or the other, otherwise he\u2019s going to\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes? Otherwise he\u2019s going to what?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCan you hold on, I\u2019ve got another call.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHello? Operator? Hello? Hello?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, hello! Thank you for\u2026for holding Mister Roger Proxy\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRoger who? Oh, never mind\u2026could you please just read the rest of the message?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt says you are to remove your malted barren lockets and custard buns from KillerNooSee by Tossday or Thosayday or whatever or he will bum CalumBoo into smitheroons!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh shoot! I\u2019m sorry!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry for what?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThis message isn\u2019t for you Mister Roger Proxy. It\u2019s for a Mister Goat Proxy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWHAT?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s for a Mister Goat Proxy. That\u2019s what it says. I didn\u2019t take the message myself. It was taken by one of the other girls. I guess it just got into your inbox by mistake. Sorreee. No messages for you today, Mister Roger Proxy. Have a nice day! Byeeee and HaayoobooOne!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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