{"id":224981,"date":"2022-01-15T21:24:42","date_gmt":"2022-01-15T15:54:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.colombotelegraph.com\/?p=224981"},"modified":"2022-01-22T02:46:43","modified_gmt":"2022-01-21T21:16:43","slug":"dispelling-gloom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.colombotelegraph.com\/index.php\/dispelling-gloom\/","title":{"rendered":"Dispelling Gloom"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Upatissa Pethiyagoda<\/a> –<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

Dr. Upatissa Pethiyagoda<\/p><\/div>\n

These are depressing times. COVID-19<\/a><\/span> is spreading and believed to have produced a strain that is even more virulent and dangerous. It has compelled a virtual shutdown in some places and curfews in some others. Socializing is discouraged and movement restricted to a bare minimum. Worst of all, nobody knows how long these restrictions may last \u2013 weeks, months or years!<\/p>\n

To make matter worse, there is the needless creation of a crisis around the cremation or burial of Muslim victims of the Virus. All reasonable persons would see that there is no plausible evidence to suggest the feared contamination of water sources, the WHO and predominantly Moslem countries do not demand a right to burial and theoretical projections do not support the fears of burial. In our quest for racial and religious amity and elimination of any charge of discrimination, there is every reason to recognize and be magnanimous in allowing the minority to exercise their inherent right to follow the dictates of their faith or custom. This step certainly will not endanger anybody.<\/p>\n

The Covid-19 pandemic compels us to grin and bear the inconveniences which will test our collective discipline and civic sense. We must all honour the prescribed sanitary behaviour. But we can still laugh without constraint. Appreciation of a joke being the best test of literacy. As a guy was told by his doctor after his routine check-up \u201cYou are doing fine, but to keep it up, no Wine, no Women,\u201d and noting the misery on his face, \u201c\u2026\u2026..but you can sing as much as you like\u201d.<\/p>\n

1. Little Andy holds up his hand \u201cPlease Miss, may I go to the toilet?\u201d \u201cYes, of course\u201d Andy returns. Five minutes later, his hand goes up again \u201cPlease Miss, I couldn\u2019t find it, may I go again?\u201d Sure\u201d says the puzzled Teacher. Andy\u2019s back again. Five minutes and the hand goes up again. \u201cWill someone help Andy?\u201d Up comes \u201cForward Peter\u201d Teacher: \u201cPeter, take Andy to the toilet please\u201d. Moments later they return. Peter (looking triumphant). \u201cWe found it alright. It\u2019s that Andy\u2019s mom had put his pants on back to front\u201d!<\/p>\n

2. An old gent goes to his favourite ice cream parlour and shakily and painfully drags himself on to a stool. \u201cMy usual Sundae, please.\u201d While fixing his order, the girl asks, \u201cCracked nuts?\u201d \u201cNo\u201d he answers \u201cArthritis\u201d.<\/p>\n

3. Three old revelers were on the Underground, returning home from a hectic time in the City. It was a terrible cold and misty night. As the train grinds to a halt, one wipes the window, and peers through the fog. \u201cIs it Wembley?\u201d asks one \u201cNo, it\u2019s Thursday\u201d says the other. \u201cSo am I,\u201d says the third,\u201d let\u2019s go get a Beer!\u201d<\/p>\n

4. Three old men (they always come in threes) were on a park bench, enjoying the sunshine and feeding the pigeons. As often happens, the conversation moved to a discussion on each ones ailment. Says one, \u201cI am all aches and pains from the time I awake\u201d. The other says, \u201cMe too and my joints hurt with the slightest movement. And what about you, Bill?\u201d \u201cOh, me? I feel like a baby.\u201d \u201cA baby? How do you mean?\u201d \u201cWell, no aches no pains, no hair, no teeth and I think I\u2019ve just wet me pants!\u201d<\/p>\n

5. Two old school mates meet after a long time. One is obviously more affluent. Asks the poorer man \u201cHow come you are doing so well. What do you do for a living?\u201d Readily comes the answer, \u201cI sell rabbit pies\u201d. Quite baffled, \u201cRabbit pies? Is it all rabbit meat?\u201d \u201cWell,\u201d responds the other \u201csay fifty-fifty.\u201d \u201cHow so?\u201d \u201dWell\u201d confesses the one \u201cone rabbit: one horse\u201d.<\/p>\n

6. The Englishman, wishing to impress with his knowledge of French, taking leave of his comrade, \u201cAu reservoir!\u201d. The Frenchman replies \u201cTanks!\u201d.<\/p>\n

Peter: \u201cAnd what do you think about my argument?\u201d<\/p>\n

Paul: \u201cSound, most certainly sound!\u201d<\/p>\n

Peter: \u201cAnd what else?\u201d<\/p>\n

Paul: \u201cNothing else, merely sound\u201d.<\/p>\n

7. Quick Takes to ponder:<\/p>\n

\u201cIt pays to put yourself in the other man\u2019s shoes\u201d, said the tramp, as he quickly made the exchange.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you can keep your head while all around you are losing theirs \u2013 it\u2019s just possible that you haven\u2019t quite grasped the situation.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIf two persons agree on everything, it is quite likely that only one is doing the thinking\u201d.<\/p>\n

\u201cPatriotism is the last refuge of scoundrels\u201d.<\/p>\n

\u201cWork hard, play hard and die young \u2013 leaving behind a good-looking corpse\u201d.<\/p>\n

\u201cA diplomat is a person who can tell a guy to go to hell, so nicely that he looks forward to the journey.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you can\u2019t dazzle them with brilliance, then baffle them with bullshit\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCandy may be dandy but liquor is quicker!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFamiliarity breeds contempt, but a little bit of familiarity is necessary to breed anything\u201d.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe early bird may get the worm – but it is the second mouse that gets the cheese\u201d.<\/p>\n

\u201cEconomists spend half their time predicting what will happen, and the other half explaining why what they predicted did not happen\u201d.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo not ever underestimate the power of English as a barrier to comprehension\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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