{"id":38188,"date":"2012-04-12T23:09:39","date_gmt":"2012-04-12T23:09:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.colombotelegraph.com\/?p=38188"},"modified":"2012-04-12T23:09:39","modified_gmt":"2012-04-12T23:09:39","slug":"avurudu-kumaraya-arrives-in-budget-taxi","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.colombotelegraph.com\/index.php\/avurudu-kumaraya-arrives-in-budget-taxi\/","title":{"rendered":"Avurudu Kumaraya Arrives In Budget Taxi"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Gamini Weerakoon –\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

Gamini Weerakoon<\/p><\/div>\n

Avurudu Kumaraya is Sri Lanka\u2019s eternal prince charming.\u00a0Withered old grannies get misty- eyed reminiscing their salad days when they awaited the arrival of the Avurudu Kumaraya during the Avurudu festivities. He arrives in a golden horse and carriage, wearing the majestic\u00a0 gold crown, decked in gold, bare bodied but with a riot of gold ornaments adorning his chest and hands and his ankles too.<\/p>\n

This non ageing masculine Adonis roams the country secretively flirting, luring, seducing etc., etc.,\u00a0 Lankan lasses as they go up and down on their swings hung on Kadju Puhulang trees.
\nThere are some cynics who do not believe in the Avurudu Kumaraya. To these doubters our question is: Why are thousands \u2013 if not millions \u2013 of our Lankan lasses this week fighting it out in each village to be chosen this year\u2019s Avurudu Kumari of their village?<\/p>\n

Kumaraya arrives<\/strong>
\nStretched out in our Hansi Puttuwa with a copy of the LLRC report on our chest but our thoughts straying to past Avurudas, we realised that the Avurudu Kumaraya has not visited us for the past two years. Has he been bought up by international NGOs, bribed by foreign powers, abducted by New Delhi? Such thoughts were straying across our mind while we were nodding into a pre-afternoon nap when the banging on our gate woke us up rather rudely. We dragged our feet to the gate. Lo and behold it was Avurudu!\u00a0 He was getting out of a taxi. This guy has an air of regal nonchalance about him. Doesn\u2019t await common greetings, invitations etc. \u2018Hullo, Hullo\u2019, he said, and strode into out sitting room and stretched himself on our Kavichchiya gracefully adjusting his Chinese silk sarong quite in contrast to the tucking up done by Vermin down Kiributhgoda way.
\nPrincely duties<\/strong>
\nOur opening gambit to our family friend for generations was: Why\u00a0 did he not honour us with a visit in the last two years? Well, the intention was there but his last two visits were hectic. Sri Lanka was celebrating the \u2018historic victory\u2019 and even after 11 months of the event he was whisked away from one Kiributh and Kavun party to another till he ran out of time. When he arrived the second year, the \u2018victory celebrations\u2019 were continuing and it went on and on and he had no option but to be hijacked from one celebration to the other\u2019. This time the celebratory victories seemed to have abated with Sri Lanka having declared war on the United States and the United Nations.
\nWe then came to the all important question: \u2018 What has happened to your golden carriage and the four magnificent white steeds with their flowing manes?\u2019<\/p>\n

Playing the LP<\/strong>
\nAvurudu explained. He had travelled\u00a0 across the seas in his golden carriage drawn by this lovable steeds, come over the American Embassy, crossed Galle Road and landed on the lawns of Temple Trees. The moment he landed, the Big Boss came running out tugging his red shawl, welcomed him with open arms and took him to the interior of the presidential palace. The Big Boss was in a talkative mood, blackguarding the Yanks, UN and EU while playing his long playing record on the Hambantota Port, air port, and the highway when he was told that there was a call from Washington.
\n\u2018Mung danne neddhe may Avurudu kale\u2019, he had muttered and excused himself promising to return soon. Then P.B. (Pass the Buck) Jayasundere and Cabaralal had come in looking battered and bashed. It is a tough time; export income is dropping drastically and imports are increasing dramatically, fuel prices shooting up and the dollar and Euro are rising and falling like Bandakka. The public was on the streets rioting and demanding higher salaries. Fortunately Geneva came and our side resorted to the rent-a-mob strategy to support our leader and burn effigies of Hillary and Barack.
\n\u2018We need gold reserves and you should, as a staunch friend of Sri Lanka give us your gold carriage,\u2019 pleaded Cabaralal. It will stabilise the currency and news that we have got your carriage will end investor confidence sky high.
\nGolden carriage gone<\/strong>
\nAvurudu had said that his golden carriage was state property and had to be returned. To which the Big Boss had assured it will be done as soon as the billion dollar loan from China was received. \u2018And so I gave them the carriage on the promise that my horses will be looked after. But\u00a0 how will I travel in Sri Lanka without my vehicle?\u2019 I asked.
\n\u2018You will have the best motorised chariots in the world: Super Mercedes, BMWs bullet proof including the tyres, everything you desire will be there inside these motorised chariots, I was assured and the Big Boss rang up his transportation manager immediately.<\/p>\n

Sons and brothers<\/strong>
\nThere seemed to be some problem and the Big Boss appeared to bedeveloping apoplexy. \u2018What no Mercedes or BMWs?\u2019 I heard him screaming.
\n\u2018I have only three sons and there are much more of those models in the garage. Who? My brothers? They too had taken the cars out. Ah, Avurudu season\u2014gone to the villages, So not one vehicle in the garage save mine?\u00a0 Seize the best available car of a minister and send it to me immediately\u2026 What the ministers have gone abroad or to their villages, their children have hijacked official cars? I will sack the whole lot\u2026.\u2019 he thundered.
\nTo cut the long story short he said it ended with him being provided with a budget taxi.<\/p>\n

Scotch and DD<\/strong>
\nAvurudu is a thirsty type, even before noon\u00a0 he wants a swig. \u2018Get the Scotch out,\u2019 he called.
\nNow we\u00a0 had a problem. We explained to Avurudu. \u2018The sons of the nouveau riche \u2013 the new rich\u2014drink like fish the best of liquors. Shortly before the Avuruda there was not a bottle of duty free whisky at Kollupitiya junction. Sons of ministers and other riff-raff had swiped all the Scotch and brandy off\u00a0 Kollupitiya and even the super markets. I sent my kolla to\u00a0 a Dirty Harry\u2019s joint near my abode and managed two bottles of Double Distilled, I said, producing them rather sheepishly.
\nAvurudu was not amused. \u2018I\u2019ll chase it with ice and soda,\u2019 he declared tersely.
\nSorry, I said, once again. No ice, there was a power cut and the ice has melted away. We feared our guest might walk out but the decent fellow didn\u2019t.
\n\u2018OK get me iced Soda at least,\u2019 he declared.
\nI shivered. My feeling was that there was no soda in the house. But my ever loving rose to the occasion.\u00a0 She had been an admirer of Avurudu in \u2018them days\u2019 and been listening to our conversation. She walked in with the soda with all smiles for Avurudu. \u2018I kept the soda in case one like you dropped in\u2019, she said and added: \u2018I can\u2019t keep any soda or any drinks. He drinks them all\u2019. Avurudu in sheer anger poured a double Double Distilled (DD) topped it up with soda and gulped in down. This was not the way to drink DD but he repeated the procedure soon. I managed just one drink of the DD during this period.\u00a0 My guest had now hit almost the bottom and asked me whether I did not mind him giving a drink to the budget taxi driver. He poured out\u00a0 the remainder which was a \u2018bumper\u2019 and the driver hooked it at ease over the ropes like Mahela Jayewardene.
\n\u2018I want to go home straight in this taxi, Avurudu declared and hoped the road was long enough as a runway for the taxi to take off. \u2018Thanks\u00a0 Avurudu. Take care and come again,\u2019 we said. Avurudu glared: Come again? To this Paradise, this Miracle of Asia which swiped my golden carriage, and has no Scotch, ice, or soda? And got into the taxi. The budget taxi roared down the road and disappeared in a cloud of dust. Take care Avurudu, take the airways and not the highways, they are dangerous, we muttered again even though he may not have heard us. He is our friend.(Sunday Leader)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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