{"id":71156,"date":"2013-01-26T18:56:18","date_gmt":"2013-01-26T18:56:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.colombotelegraph.com\/?p=71156"},"modified":"2013-01-29T09:54:23","modified_gmt":"2013-01-29T09:54:23","slug":"swearing-in-a-president-and-comedy-courtesy-of-the-local-cops","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.colombotelegraph.com\/index.php\/swearing-in-a-president-and-comedy-courtesy-of-the-local-cops\/","title":{"rendered":"Swearing In A President And Comedy Courtesy Of The Local Cops"},"content":{"rendered":"

By\u00a0Emil van der Poorten<\/a><\/span>\u00a0–<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

Emil van der Poorten<\/p><\/div>\n

Today\u2019s column consists of two unconnected halves.<\/p>\n

The Obama inauguration<\/strong><\/p>\n

Watching the huge crowds in Washington on the occasion of Barack Hussein Obama<\/a><\/span>\u2019s inauguration couldn\u2019t but push one\u2019s imagination towards a re-location of the event to Sri Lanka and Sri Lankan practices.<\/p>\n

Given the Sri Lankan, officially-approved and\u00a0 promoted reality, video-documented on at least a couple of occasions, where \u201c pro-government demonstrators\u201d are seen releasing their hold on their weapons in order to accept a five hundred rupee note for \u201cservices rendered\u201d (or being rendered) much of which is in the form of assault and battery visited upon those having the temerity to display a lack of support of their Lord and Master, I looked really hard at the milling crowds in the US federal capital at a once-in-four-year\u2019s event for so much as a glimpse of a spindly stick, not even for a 2 X4 or a pole.\u00a0 Alas, that expectation of excitement was not realized! There were not even sandwich boards in support of the US\u2019s recently re-elected President, leave alone giant cutouts.<\/span><\/p>\n

I then looked for masses of hamburger wrappers in lieu of the debris from kiribath or buth packets<\/em> which one might have expected to be in evidence in the home of the hamburger.\u00a0 Alas, I was, again, to be disappointed because the usually ubiquitous flotsam emanating from McDonalds outlets was nowhere to be seen.\u00a0 That suggested that free hamburgers and coke had NOT been distributed in order to attract the very impressive crowds at Barack\u2019s inauguration.<\/p>\n

Going through news reports of the event however, I finally unearthed a sign of democracy in action a la Sri Lanka.\u00a0 Some (rap?) musician whose lyrics were turning anti-Obama or anti Obama policy during the event, was swiftly removed from his performing stage.\u00a0 Here, again though, the event proved most disappointing because the guy was not roughed up and not incarcerated for rehabilitation under the Prevention of Terrorism Act or its US equivalent.\u00a0 If nothing else, this lack of drama, violence and bloodshed reflected very poorly on a country that is home to Hollywood, that source of so much blood and gore in the area of broadly-disseminated public entertainment.\u00a0 Surely, the home turf of Spaghetti Westerns and Quentin Tarantino could have done better than cutting the sound from a rap musician\u2019s performance and removing him from the gaze of the television cameras?\u00a0 Oh well\u2026\u2026\u2026.Hollywood ain\u2019t what it used to be and one better learn to live with this deterioration of performance\u00a0 standards, I suppose.<\/p>\n

The relative bonhomie surrounding the celebration of the re-election of a \u201cvisible\u201d and ethnically \u201cdifferent\u201d person was in stark contrast to what would have happened if by some weird and wonderful confluence of the planets something similar had occurred in Sri Lanka.\u00a0 Imagine, if you will, a descendant of Ponnambalam Ramanathan or Razik Fareed or (God forbid!) Pieter Keuneman elected, as Senior Organizer for the Mattakuliya area.\u00a0 There would certainly be protests against this potential sullying of the national political gene pool.\u00a0 Buses would be made available to bring large numbers of \u201cpatriots\u201d to wherever any such inauguration was to take place.\u00a0 Special provision would be made with roof-racks to carry poles appropriate to the assaults to be launched on those who might be foolish enough to enter public space to celebrate such an event.\u00a0 If it was more convenient, contracts would be given to supporters of the \u201cprotest against inappropriate celebration\u201d to provide poles of adequate strength and length at the sites where \u201cdissuading action\u201d was to be taken.\u00a0 These contracts would be given to those with a proven record of unquestioning loyalty to those organizing the \u201canti-celebration\u201d and would constitute significantly higher rates than for common-or-garden\u00a0 \u201cdissuading actions\u201d of the past.\u00a0 After all, payments to friends for such a worthy purpose should take into account the meteoric rise in the cost of (really) living.<\/p>\n

However, the dearth of entertainment from the US Presidential Inauguration was somewhat compensated for by a local event that arrived on our doorstep recently.<\/p>\n

The \u201c Great laptop theft mystery\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Some afternoons ago just after we\u2019d sat down to lunch with visitors, our \u201cdomestics\u201d burst in on us with the news that the police were here, together with a dog.\u00a0 Now police calling on us, usually when they need a \u201cdonation\u201d of some description, is not unusual but doing so with a trained canine in attendance was certainly out of the ordinary and merited immediate response.<\/p>\n

At the front door was a burly policeman in \u201ccivvies\u201d (I presume he belonged to our League of Protectors because he said so and one doesn\u2019t question such introductions with a request for identification in this country and in this day and age unless seeking a thick ear or worse!)\u00a0 He said he was here in connection with my reported theft of a laptop computer and seemed quite annoyed when I told him I had not experienced such an event.\u00a0 It transpired that a part of the ill humour of our policeman was attributable to the fact that he (and the canine and its minder) had had to trek up our not inconsiderable hill after their police vehicle, riding on bald tires, had skidded off the road while conveying them to our abode!<\/p>\n

A flurry of calls on his ubiquitous mobile phone ensued and it transpired that the directions given had been completely cockeyed.\u00a0 The reported theft was in an area which was in the opposite <\/strong>direction to our home insofar as the location of the police station was concerned and there had been a mix-up because of the free use of racial references.\u00a0\u00a0 They had mistaken me, a \u201csuddha\u201d in their parlance, for an Englishman who lived in another area also within their jurisdiction.\u00a0 A little lesson here in the matter of the free use of racial references leading to hugely unnecessary confusion.\u00a0 Anyway, another police vehicle which had pulled its predecessor out of the ditch, appeared and everyone – policemen and K9 \u2013 departed for goodness knows where!<\/p>\n

A footnote to the comedy<\/strong><\/p>\n

Incidentally, it seems like Sri Lanka must be one of the few, if not the only jurisdiction in the world, using Dalmatians as police dogs given the fact that these lovable canines have a reputation for being among the least intelligent of dogs!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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