By Jagath Asoka –

Dr. Jagath Asoka

Nowadays, I feel like I am on LSD because what is happening in Sri Lanka has intensified my feelings of sheer disgust of Sri Lankan politicians, particularly Rajapaksas and their imbecilic morons.

We all know—I assume—the words imperialism and colonialism. I had to coin the word chinperialism to talk about what China has done to Sri Lanka and other corrupt countries.

China does not send their armies to conquer the world; instead, they send just one Chinese man with a bag filled with dollars. That is the first step of conquering a country. While the US was wasting trillions of dollars on asinine, unjustified wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, China was conquering the world with portmanteaus filled with dollars. Take Sri Lanka for example. The Chinese government gave not only 8 billion dollars but also gave millions to Rajapaksas as campaign donations to win the elections. Did Rajapaksas use some of that money on Easter Sunday of 2019? The Chinese government has identified corrupt politicians who would not only take bribes but also have the potential to win the elections in every country including Sri Lanka. This is a global phenomenon. When the Chinese government loans money to countries like Sri Lanka, they put certain conditions. For every hundred dollars we borrowed from them, they took eighty dollars back for providing materials and manpower. China used their prisoners to build roads and buildings in Sri Lanka. It is worse than chattel slavery. I think some of you have seen the dwellings of Chinese laborers in Sri Lanka.

When China loaned money to Sri Lanka, they knew that Sri Lanka would not be able to pay it back on time because more than 50% was stolen by the politicians and their goons. When Sri Lankans cannot pay back the loans, the Chinese would take our airports and harbors; this is the new way of conquering countries: We Bribed, We Waited, We Conquered. That is Chinperialism.

I said 50% was stolen by the politicians. Use simple math to do this simple calculation in your head. If you borrow one hundred dollars, and if this money goes through six steps, where 10% is stolen at each step, you would have only 53 at the end of the sixth step. When the Rajapaksas started stealing money, initially they stole 10% of all the loans. If they borrowed a billion for a development project, the Rajapaksas stole 100 million. After the Rajapaksas, the ministers took their 10%, parliament members took their 10%, etc. Add other tiers like Municipal councils, Urban councils, Pradeshiya sabhas. This is just a simple example of 6 tiers of corruption where 10% is stolen at each step. As we all know, greed has no boundaries. The Rajapaksas got greedier every year. What started as stealing only a 10% probably ended up at stealing 50% or even more. Now do you wonder why we cannot pay our debts, why our inflation is uncontrollable, why we are bankrupt, and why suicide is the only solution for most hapless Sri Lankans? Do you sincerely think that the Rajapaksas have stopped stealing from you? I bet even as I write this article, they are stealing from you. The worst is yet to come. This is the Black Plague, the Bubonic Plague of Sri Lanka. If I were you, I would gather enough food to feed my children and keep some cash at home. Well, I know, you are laughing at me. How many Sri Lankans have the wherewithal to buy food for a week and keep cash at home?

I am not blaming China for everything. While we were talking about the current situation in Sri Lanka, one of my childhood friends reminded me of the real culprits. In a nutshell, Sri Lankans, you are the worst enemies of yourselves. When I was a child, all parents in Sri Lanka wanted their children to be doctors, lawyers, engineers, and teachers because these professions were noble. What is the situation now? When you admit your child to school, you ask the child to lie about the address; when a doctor is consulted, all the known medical tests and drugs are given, albeit unnecessary, even to a hapless, penniless patient, because doctors get a certain percentage from these drugs and tests; when you go to school in the morning, at the entrance, your class teacher gives you a pamphlet and asks you to come to his or her private tuition class; when you hire an engineer to build a water tank in the village, not only the engineer pilfers and seeks kickbacks but also the engineer uses substitute lower-quality materials; when you hire a lawyer, he wins your case by bribing the judge. So, who is the enemy? Who ruined this country? I am certain that in a couple of years you will elect the same crooks or their children again.

Caesar gave his villa, the gardens surrounding it, and his art gallery to the public, and gave 300,000 sesterces to each citizen. I do not think the Rajapaksas will ever act like Caesar. We need to take everything back from them.

I do not have an esemplastic mind of a poet to make my thoughts sound poetic and benevolent, yet I am going to share some of my crude, belligerent thoughts; Pandit Ranil, please put a sock in it. I am tired of your hypocrisy. The Rajapaksas are the Tangalle thugs, so their deportment is expected. Ranil, when you were given a chance to send the Rajapaksas to jail, you literally went to bed with them. Sajith and Anura, both of you need not only a new vision and a new vocabulary but also a new wardrobe. All these sleezy, unctuous artists and sycophantic academicians who praised the Rajapaksas for personal gains, especially for money and lucrative positions, I would say, if you have even a modicum of decency left in your souls, take a cyanide pill—not a chill pill—to permanently calm you down.

To Sri Lankans who brag about getting special treatment—they do not have to stand in lines like the plebeians—or those who commit crimes with impunity because they know the politicians: I would say, well, I will let you imagine all the words that I would use to describe your asinine and abominable behavior.

For the last two decades, most Sri Lankans condoned pilfering; only a very few Sri Lankans that I know condemned it. For those who condoned pilfering, nepotism, killing of hapless journalists and ruggerites, there is only one logical thing to do: Well, ask the artists and the academics who keep apologizing for supporting the Rajapaksas.

Some Sri Lankans are looking for a benevolent dictator. Perhaps, what we need is a Triumvirate: Ranjan, Sumanthiran, and a Muslim.

In my opinion, there is only one politician in Sri Lanka who can join the crowd without fear: Ranjan Ramanayake. I say, Gotabaya, let Ranjan join the crowd.

Well, Gotabaya, if you are not sure about the meaning of the phrase “I say,” ask your blockheaded brother Basil, the brainless man with seven asses.