By V. Kanthaiya –

I have an Equus africanus asinus at home, a very gentle, brilliant animal when compared to our politicians and my fellow human beings. This animal, commonly called a donkey by scientists, talks to me.

Hold on! I know what you’re thinking right now. This is a forum for discussing politics, not for children’s stories. But this donkey really talks to me. All right! I come to your point that nowhere in this world does a donkey talk. Accepted! So too is it that nowhere in this world does a man, accused of murdering a government MP cum ministry advisor say in a court of law, “I don’t remember anything as I have lost my part of my brain in the shootout”, yet later gives a grand speech about the “Mahavamsa” and the history of Sri Lanka, to the public gatherings in Kolonnawa. Please keep this in mind, at least till you finish reading this article.

This is Sri Lanka, the wonder of Asia and our president is H.E. Mahinda Rajapaksa and we both are “true” patriots who love this country above anything and everything. I believe these facts would sum up why an Equus africanus asinus, aka donkey can talk in this part of the world.

Having reached an agreement that my Equus africanus asinus aka donkey can talk, because the writer, reader, and the donkey are Sri Lankans and especially “true” Sri Lankans who love Sri Lanka, not the US Dollars, we all unanimously agree to advance to the proceeding sections of the article.

I generally discuss Tamil movies and the “Mega Serials”, with the donkey. But the animal is not interested in these topics. He considers that Tamil movies, especially the stunts are completely unrealistic and unacceptable as per the Newtonian laws of Physics and in some specific cases as per the General Theory of Relativity. He also considers the extremely emotional Tamil “Mega Serials” not to be in line with the Psychoanalysis Theory formed by Sigmund Freud.

To make the matters worse, the animal often starts to argue that the interpreted high-end languages such as python, ruby on rails and java script should not be taught at schools in USA, instead the plain version of Java and C++ should be taught, as the former focus on rapid application development, and not the general structure of the programming language. At this point, I had only two options in my life; to drink the pesticide I bought for Onion cultivation, or give it to the donkey.

By god’s grace, before I found the pesticide, the Presidential election was called. Now we (myself and the donkey, not the reader) have found a common topic to discuss.

I was waiting for guidance from the Tamil National Alliance (TNA), about whom should I vote for, but the TNA was quite busy being thrashed by EPDP members in the District Development Coordination Meetings. So I sought guidance from the donkey.

The donkey, without any hesitation said I should vote for Mahinda Rajapaksa in this Presidential election and also the next, and Namal Rajapaksa in the one after that. The animal gave me astounding, undeniable facts in support of his view, which I am happy to share with the Colombo Telegraph readers.

We Sri Lankans have successfully survived and grown despite the various vicious, venomous, malicious and mischievous international conspiracies to disrupt the hard earned peace by our brave soldiers through the internationally acclaimed “humanitarian operation” with zero civilian causality. H.E. President Rajapaksa successfully fought these western forces with the support of his brother Gotabaya Rajapaksa, Wimal Weerawansa, Udaya Gammanpila, CA Chadraprema, HLD Mahindapala and above all the bravest Rajpal Abeynayake of Daily News.

Several Unidentified Flying Objects (not the Unidentified Four Wheeled Objects) have been observed in the airspace of Sri Lanka in the recent past. The number of such incidents compared to the size of the country is alarming. This substantiates the suspicion that the Western nations, having failed in their attempt to defeat the president, now joined hands with extra terrestrial forces.

There is ample logic to conclude that the re-entry of Ms. Kumaratunga into politics and the betrayal of Maithripala Sirisena is part of an inter-galactic conspiracy, and not limited to an international conspiracy anymore. President Rajapaksa is the one and only leader who can defeat this inexplicable inter-galactic conspiracy and save this country.

No one has to explain how much has been done by President Rajapaksa on the highway developments. Even the foreign intellectuals predict that with the highway development spree the country is undergoing, each house will have its own highway built by Chinese contractors funded by Chinese banks, in 2050.

The donkey also further explained that once power is transferred from Mahinda Rajapaksa, to none other than Namal Rajapaksa, the country will see each house having its own international airport, international racing track and of course if it’s located on the coast, its own international harbour.

Presently government employees are given motor cycles for just Rs. 50,000 which would cost more than Rs. 225,000 in the market. This is done by the government so that the masses can really ride the bikes on the carpet roads built by the government and benefit from the post war development.

The donkey has also predicted that in the future, the President would also be able to offer super luxury cars such as Ferrari, Aston Martin, and Lamborghini to the Sri Lankan masses for just Rs. 100,000 if the people continue to offer their unconditional support.

While explaining these facts, the donkey suddenly became very emotional and said that the Sri Lankan people were not privileged to see the Bollywood Superstars in close proximity. Namal Rajapaksa, guided by President Mahinda Rajapaksa changed this pathetic fate of the Sri Lankan people by bringing stars such as Salman Khan, Vivek Oberoi, John Abraham, Anil Kapoor, and Bipasha Basu to our motherland. Our people’s lives and hearts were redeemed by this act. No one needs to explain how this would have contributed to uplift the standard of living in the rural areas, once those stars performed in front of them.

Then the animal asked, “Who held the first ever car race in the country, first in Colombo, then in Kandy, the world heritage city? These car races tremendously helped our youth to get additional employment opportunities, especially to pack the sand bags and place them along the roads”.

Another reason the donkey said, why we should all vote for Mahinda Rajapaksa is the perpetual Colombo road renovation. People in Bambalapitiya and Wellawatta areas have witnessed the perpetual road renovation being carried out by a private contractor for the Ministry of Defence and Urban Development, for one and a half years now. Some unpatriotic elements in these areas believe that the act is not actually a road renovation, but illegal mining of gems and artefacts, indicating the time span taken and the level of “digging” involved. They even claim that traffic congestion has increased after the road renovation work as the number of traffic lights and the width of the foot path has been increased. The donkey says these allegations are also part of the greater inter-galactic conspiracy against the mother land.

Even with these facts from the donkey, I am not able to decide whom I should vote for. However I have understood one thing. All the Equus africanus asinus aka donkeys want Mahinda Rajapaksa to be elected for the third time.

*The writer and the donkey live in Jaffna, Sri Lanka. Neither of them are political activists or freelance journalists