By Arundathie Sangakkara –

Now that the Post-Ranil-Partum snotty wailing of the UNP Face bookers is replaced by their “absolute shock” at a Gotabaya comeback as of 6PM yesterday, let’s get back to business, shall we?

The UNPers are a funny lot.

Some have been boycotting elections because “as long as Ranil is the leader, there’s no point”. They have been their worst party enemy, self-propagating the notion Sajith Premadasa along with Kili Maharajah commercially sustained – called “Ranil cannot win”. Since 2000, the UNP has formed two governments under Ranil’s leadership. Many arm chair politically inclined and Facebookers were ranting “Just Go Ranil and Give It To Sajith”. They called Ranil names, invoked his possibly sainted mother and criticized him in raw filth. Then they see one cute little picture of Hema Premadasa with “oh-my god I won, I won!” Miss Universe kind of “disbelieving smile” with her hand on her heart, posing excellently in the arms of an uncomfortable Ranil (who probably lost a few years of his life at this staged drama). And then the UNPers lose it. “Ranil, you are the Great Leader”, “you are the savior” “you are the uniter” “you are the sacrificer” “you are the heart- soul, liver- well not liver- of the UNP” they wail now. 

The UNPers are already missing Ranil. 

Because they see Sajith with that skewed smile armed with all the fabricated “qualifications” with the “aaryava”, mother and sister and they sense the horrendous, intellect diminishing road ahead. 

Remember, Mahinda Rajapaksa, who left the Temple Trees in the early hours of post-Presidential elections in 2015? Remember how a large section of the nation took a collective sad breath in to their lungs and started feeling guilty for voting him out? How they all started missing their Appachchi already?

At the recent UNP meeting to declare Sajith Premadasa the Presidential candidate, Ranil Wickremesinghe delivered his speech in his style. One day we will miss this man. He asked the audience to “raise their hand if they agreed to Sajith Premadasa being the UNP nominee for the Presidential election. They did. With the cute authority of a Montessori teacher Ranil then he told them to put the hand down. Like babies they put their hands down. Then he asked them to raise their hand if they opposed”. No one raised their hand.

Except Ranil. 

I think I saw him raising his hand high up.

In his speech Ranil made some interesting statements.

One was a narration on Ranil’s difficult struggle to establish himself as the leader of a leader-annihilated UNP. This is a view that has been passionately articulated both by Colombo Telegraph editor Uvindu Kurukulasuriya on CT and other media, and, Grusha Andrews on CT.

The second point Ranil raised was an important issue, also passionately raised by the above mentioned journalists on the sore lack of women politicians within the UNP. Ranil in a praise worthy attempt in his redemption speech mentioned that “even if some might become angry I must say, there are no female politicians among the second tier leadership of the UNP”.

Well done Ranil.

Finally. 

Two decades too late, but finally. 

There were some interesting women in the audience. Rosy Senanayake, the only organic woman politician and probably the only woman there who has risen in rank through her work. The other women were all just political ejaculates of their dead (or alive) fathers. Nothing much to write home about, but they were there: Chandrani Bandara (of Chandra Bandara), Hirunika Premachandra (of Bharatha Lakshman Premachandra), Chamindranee Kiriella (the ‘wannabe politician’ daughter of Lakshman Kiriella), Achini Lokubanda (of HM Lokubanda). Lihini Fernando was also seen somewhere. 

Then Akila Viraj Kariyawasam delivered a ten point road map at this convention. He first lamented that the absence of a UNP president that resulted in a lost opportunity to “take political revenge even whilst having a UNP government”. 

Well done, Mr Party Secretary. Great vision. Go ahead and try to form a government so that you can take “political revenge” How democratic. How heartwarming. (Read: Good Lord!).

Akila Viraj Kariyawasam delivered his ten point road map to a UNP victory minutes after Ranil’s speech referring to lack of women politicians within the UNP. But the road map did not contain a single affirmative word in favour of women in politics.  

This speech was followed by more luckless, passionless politicians who spoke with dust in their mouth. One was Navin Dissanayake who, a few weeks ago was sniveling for a strange “Kandyan President”. So Navin betrayed the UNP to roll at the feet of Mahinda Rajapaksa of the down south Giruwapattuwa like a pup because he wanted a “Kandyan” President? Looks like Navin has conveniently forgotten his mommy, once the Presidential candidate of the UNP, who originated from Matara. He then inauspiciously compared 52 year old Sajith to Gamini Dissanayake “dead at the age of 52”. The fate of some pregnant elephants probably just changed. 

Then came Ravi Karunanayake who was demanding to see Sajith Premadasa’s GCE O/L certificate just a month ago. Less said about that cringe worthy, sorry speech, the better. 

At the end of the drama called “Hema Premadasa’s peacock walk with hand on her bosom”, all the coalition party leaders and some well-wishers who have been pre-invited got on stage to congratulate and make a display of support for Sajith Premadasa.

Not a single woman was invited on stage. 

What a party. 

No women. 

None. 

The story of the other parties is not so sunny either. The JVP seem to be making a genuine effort to feature at least two female speakers in their rallies. However even the JVP appears to be recycling two or three faces across geography at their meetings. Even at JVP’s heartwarming meeting in Jaffna no local woman politician spoke. Hang in there and do better, Anura, you are doing better than Ranil and Mahinda in standing up for women in politics.

As for the Pohottuwa, well, there is Shirtanthi Amma (Read: Good Lord, save us from this Jayalalithaa moment) who is not really a politician. Not yet. 

There was, once upon a time one woman, who fulfills the only criterion required to make it in Rajapaksa – Pohottu politics: being a Rajapaksa. That was Nirupama Rajapaksa. Even Nirupama Rajapaksa is nowhere to be seen now. Pohottuwa is in its crude male base. 

So this is our banana republic. Where people are the comics that their leaders are. Emotional, Facebook affected. They forget the dead, the killed, the maimed, the stolen wealth, the Bond Scams, the works. 

Throw a preening ex-first lady on stage for Ranil to awkwardly hold hands with and they weep.

What a UNP. 

What a bunch of politicians. 

What a country. 

But let’s agree, no body throws an exclusive Boys Party like the UNP.