The Role Of Miss Sri Lanka And SB Dissanayake’s Son

Filed under: Colombo Telegraph,Opinion,Popular |
 

Domestic Violence: The Role Of Miss Sri Lanka, Sabrina Herft  And SB Dissanayake’s Son

By Members of the Sri Lankan Spring

In the year 2009 alone, the Sri Lanka Police recorded 94,000 incidents of Domestic Violence. 35 NGOs too received 12,000 complaints. If half of these 12,000 overlapped with the 94,000 recorded by Police, this would amount to 100,000 cases. This is a very high number yet on the increase according to the Police. Sri Lanka is one of the countries with the highest incidents of Domestic Violence as Regional Records show.

On 9th August in 2005, the Sri Lankan parliament unanimously passed the Prevention of Domestic Violence Act (PDVA).

Miss Siyatha1 Lux Sri Lanka 2012, Sabrina Herft

Miss Siyatha Lux Sri Lanka 2012, Sabrina Herft

The Act does not create a new offence of ‘domestic violence’ but instead defines domestic violence, firstly, as acts of physical violence, which constitute only those offences already recognized under Chapter XVI of the Penal Code. Secondly it recognizes emotional abuse - defined as a pattern of cruel, inhuman, degrading or humiliating conduct of a serious nature directed towards an aggrieved person. The PDVA allows ‘any person’ who suffers or is likely to suffer such violence to seek a protection from a Magistrate’s Court, which is empowered to summarily issue an Interim Protection Order valid for 14 days.

A Nation in Denial

Despite this epidemic of Domestic Violence as well as other forms of violence against women, the country is in denial that such a problem exists. Domestic Violence is trivialized with the popular saying that “marital disputes only last until the rice is cooked”. This is a rank cultural myth. Women and children embroiled in DV have long lasting trauma and a difficulty to remain in relationships in the future. His Excellency the President is quoted as saying that he would like to study if the DV act has increased the number of divorces. This in fact shows a great degree of ignorance on the part of the highest in the land as to what DV really means.

Beauty Pageants and advocating against domestic violence

At the Miss Universe 2012 pageant which will be held tomorrow (Wednesday) at the Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada, imagine this question,

“Miss Herft, do you condone Domestic Violence?” What would Sabrina say?

Miss Universe 2012 On Danu’s Hot Sri Lanka Column Interview on the 21st of November 2012, our Sabrina talks about 29 things people do not know about her.

The 28th is: Once my reign has come to its inevitable end I wish to leave behind a legacy, a legacy and a footpath for our Sri Lankan women to travel on. Will this footpath be one of saying yes to Domestic Violence?

The writer says this in view of the 30th fact that people do not know about and what Sabrina must guard against – spending her life with a wife beater.

Her fiancé, Narada Dissanayake, is none other than Minister SB Dissanayake’s son, who is well known for his violent ways and has now gone through a divorce from his first wife. His ex –wife has taken both violent physical abuse and severe emotional abuse and wanted a way out from her marriage. He has also been a part of many a brawl in public places especially at casinos and night clubs. Due to his reckless behavior fatal road accidents too had taken place.

His family has a history of harassing women, particularly Minister S. B. Dissanayake, who ruined the sports career of well known athlete of international repute, sprint queen Susanthika Jayasinghe by sexually harassing her when he was the Minister of Sports during Chandrika Kumaranatunge’s time.

Will Sabrina be subjected to the same treatment as Narada’s first wife? Once a wife beater always a wife beater and difficult to reform is what Global evidence shows.

Future Action that Sabrina needs to take:

Some of the questions and hard talk for Sabrina with Narada would be around the facts mentioned below: Statistically, the odds of an abuser changing are low. However, there are key indicators Sabrina can watch for in a Narada if he is taking an honest interest in changing his abusive behavior:

1) Beaters acknowledge that they are abusive, and that it is their responsibility, and not the fault of anyone else that they are they way they are.

2) They admit that they WANT to change, and that they know the process of change is very difficult

3) They undergo a violence/abuse assessment, delivered by a professional who focuses on these things. The abuser is willing and wanting to follow the recommendations of the assessment.

4) They voluntarily enter programs specifically oriented around addressing abusive and/or violent behaviors. These group programs generally are extensive, and may run from a minimum of 16 weeks to 52 weeks in length. Jointly, they should also attend individual counseling that is specific to the challenges they have in addressing their behavior and emotional challenges.

5) The process for change is hard, and can be long. How long depends on the individual, their readiness for change, and ability to integrate the change.

6) The individual will tend to this change in an ongoing process which may be lifelong.

The process for changing abusive tendencies is intense, very difficult (because it is rooted in learned behaviors that likely spanned significant portions of their childhood), and due to the extraordinarily low level of community support due to the morally reprehensible nature of this behavior, the individual will find the path to rehabilitation difficult to maintain despite their initial best interests and convictions.

If the individual is willingly able to endure this path to change, they can and will change.

Other Answers:

Unless they have gone through a lot of therapy, enough to cause a total sea change, then yes, I am afraid they will always abuse the next partner.

There is one exception: those people who vacillate between a need to abuse and a need to be abused. For them it is just as likely they will choose a partner who abuses them, not least to expiate the abuse they gave their last partner, and justify the abuse they will give the next.

Abusers CAN change, and lead normal lives, but that takes a lot of work.

Most abusers are serial offenders, abusing one partner after the other.

 

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33 Responses to The Role Of Miss Sri Lanka And SB Dissanayake’s Son

  1. 0
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    Why do these women always latch on to thugs and the likes of Dissanayake? Is it their political clout/money/material benefits that attract them?

    Thoththa baba
    December 19, 2012 at 8:46 am
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      It is the glamorous life style that women of these fields are hooked into. These life styles are widely, beyond the limits enjoyed by the sons and daughters of ministers. These women/men just fall prey to them like a moth attracted and flying through a flame. Pathetic.

      kaputakukula
      December 19, 2012 at 9:24 am
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        Domestic violence is not restricted to any particular social class and is as widespread in the plantations sector and villages as in urban area..

        Dodo
        December 19, 2012 at 11:16 am
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        and how about all the DRUGS

        Moulana
        December 19, 2012 at 12:00 pm
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        • 0
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          drugs ,alcohol, naturally occuring drugs, like hormones etc, do add to this trend. but among the non abusers, this seems to be not a factor torecken with

          drbs
          December 20, 2012 at 3:17 pm
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  2. 0
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    Dear whoever wrote this column, Exactly what is the point you are trying to make with this so-called ‘opinion post’? You start off with relevant DV statistics, and then suddenly veer into Sabrina Herft’s personal life. Are you saying that she is currently being abused and not saying anything about it? Are you indirectly accusing of condoning domestic violence? Are these little tips and pointers you’ve added at the end of your ‘post’ supposed to be helpful hints for her, or are they just a messy way of ending a directionless post? Poor writing, poor journalism. What a shame that you make such a mockery of such a serious issue.

    Gehan
    December 19, 2012 at 9:11 am
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      This is a reply to the comment made by “thoththa baba” above. There may be many reasons for DV and one of which is what I highlighted above. If “one” chooses glamour, money or power instead of virtues/values of good life that “one” will end up in a unhappy life including DV. DV is not limited to women there are men too.

      kaputakukula
      December 19, 2012 at 9:44 am
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      disagree. the points are relevant, the incidents maybe, but its common, that public abuse and dv, is very common among the politically powerful, while inpower, and protected by the polie,laws,and among some in the judiciary[awaiting govt appointments, perks,transfers,pensions,prootions etc] women can be very powerfully abusive[as some recent cases show] the men known to have such endencies,if not totally corrected, could be carefully aoided, and the potential victim protected.But

      drbs
      December 20, 2012 at 3:23 pm
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  3. 0
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    Why would a good looking and articulate Bhurghur woman want to have a” known wife beater” as a fianace ?. The writer’s intentions are very clear even at the very begining, with his stats. Picking a Sinhalese and a Senior Minister’s son for that matter confirms the intention. Poor rural women getting bashed by druken husbands unfortunately is a common occurance. First world countries like EU and Australia, where more than 60% marriages end up in divorce also have violence aginst women in a big way. Poverty and lack of social agencies to look after these women are compounding the problem in Srilanka. As the standard of living gets better in rural areas, and social help resources become more readily available these women will have a better chance of avoiding or lessening the suffering as divorce is not an option for these poor people. Writing articles with exaggerated stats and trying to make the wife bashing looks like a Srilanka only phenomenon and implying that it is also the fault of the current regime is not going to help these women.

    K.A Sumanasekera
    December 19, 2012 at 10:17 am
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      Sumanayo, Mae mahinda mahattaya katha karanne. Indha bath gotta kaala gihin Pol tika ahulagena waren. Pala.

      Rtd. Lt. Reginald Shamal Perera
      December 20, 2012 at 3:18 pm
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        Pol tika genava hamu

        K A Sumanasekera
        December 22, 2012 at 4:47 am
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    • 0
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      who and what criteria decides she is Burgher and what a sinhalese,tamil, muslim ,is determined to be so? surely no one resorts to very detailed genetic pheno typing to determine ,what subclasses, what racial mixtures ,classify humans? we have mixed and intermixed with so many, in our struggle to evolve and survive as a fitter species to survive. who created the burgher idea? once it was to separate a mixed race of lankans vs british,Dutch,maybe portugese[all mixed themselves ,with no clear idenatification,as belonging to any race[as a pure inbred,genetically inferior group,would have not survied evolution] only the wekk mixed groups did better. the ceylonese used Burgher at one time ,to denigrade people of mixed blood, and it was considered quite improper to marry into such families? the reason, based on bias, and on so genetic or scientific facts. but anyone can elect to be a fool, and many did so. the mixed genes may have made Ceylonese /lankans[all ethnic groups] to attain the very high literacy standards, that lankans have done, maybe we will soon find out ,how mixed and fortunate we are, for not being genetically extinct, and unable to evolve any further, until then, ley us respect one another, all lankans,all races,all humans, and not beat them up,because they are women[or men or kids] learn from the great teachings of the past 3000 plus yrs, it covers all our inherent bad teachings.

      drbs
      December 20, 2012 at 5:21 pm
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  4. 0
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    dear Gihan, the writers attempted to emphasize on the serious issue of DV in Sri lanka and how its been perceived by role models such as beauty queens who once crowned are expected to advocate for many social issues affecting women…such as trafficking, slave labor, sexual exploitation and sexual harassment. They just cant take the crown and enjoy alll the privileges and benefits that come with it. In Sabrina’s case she is very unlikely to address DV or intimate partner violence due to the fact that as stated in the article her partner and his family has a history of violence. Current beauty pageants judge contestants not only for the outward beauty but also judge how sensitive they are to issues affecting women and weather they are empowered to address such issues with a commitment. I wonder if you are aware that famous International actresses such as Angelina, Nicole kidman have taken on such causes to make the world aware. i think when a beauty queen is attached with such articles many young women and men tend to read articles that deal with issues affecting their lives and tend to think about those without inhibition. The hints given would help any perpetrator or survivor before approaching professional counselors who are very much in need and lacking in Sri lanka.

    babsy
    December 19, 2012 at 2:06 pm
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      @Gihan & Babsy, Thanks to Gihan bringing up critical questions , on behalf of fellow readers. And going by what babsy, who seems to be in the know about the wider aims of this group who authored this piece. To put it simply, to create awareness through this person on complex issues such as DV would be an insult to the sufferers and fellow activists in DV? How would it be to ask the father of this Narada Dissnayake about democratic principles and public opinion on him? Do you expect an honest answer…..Do you really have no other valid alternatives to this so called couple on creating awareness on DV and also in presenting ideas to this kind of flimsy write ups through fora such as this? If yes, it’s a great shame.

      LK Perera
      December 19, 2012 at 5:58 pm
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      @Gihan & Babsy, (sorry about typo errors in previous reply0 Thanks Gihan for bringing up critical questions, on behalf of fellow readers as well. And these questions are to babsy, who seems to be in the know about the wider aims of this group who authored this piece. To put it simply, don’t you think trying to create awareness through these persons on complex issues such as DV would be an insult to the sufferers and fellow activists in DV? To create a sustained awareness among young men & women (as you write) on DV, do you think you can get the words from the mouth and stance from a beauty queen associated with a person like this, at best it’s self contradictory, isn’t it? How would it be to ask the father of this Narada Dissnayake about democratic principles and public opinion on him? Do you expect an honest answer…..Do you really have no other valid alternatives to this so called couple on creating awareness on DV and also in presenting ideas to this kind of flimsy write ups through fora such as this? If no, it’s a great shame.

      LK Perera
      December 19, 2012 at 6:43 pm
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  5. 0
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    Narada a notorious son of an equally horrible crook SB Dissanayake.An honourable poor cultivators son he went to Poramadulla Central School and the father would have expected him to lead an honest life.He robbed in style and was also a known womaniser and tried to screw Susanthika and failed.He harassed her no end.This is the sevalaya whom many watched on TV when she came from overseas he travelled with her rushed out first and ran up the gangway and kissed her for the TV crew.Will any Minister worthy of that position behave like that.Anyway today no one cares two hoots for anyone. When he fell out with Chandrika she exposed the rascal by gettting his PALACE videograpghed and telecast for all to see the progress of the cultivators son. As is the form no action the laws are in the book and all rascals rob in style all in the service of people. Jayawewa

    Tikiri Hanguranketha
    December 19, 2012 at 6:51 pm
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  6. 0
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    I have different take. I think Sabrina knows exactly who Narada is and what he is capable of. She isn’t living inside a bubble. She reads the papers, has access to the internet. She knows the deal. Sometimes a gamble pays off, sometimes it doesn’t. In the same way that Shirani Bandaranayake knew what the Rajapakses are capable of. Shirani gambled and it looks like a bad bet. Adults should take adult decisions and face the consequences of those decisions whatever they may be.

    Bedrock Barney
    December 20, 2012 at 1:32 am
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  7. 0
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    wow .. is this the type of journalism Colombo telegraph support? there is no substance in this article. No difference from the guys in colombo who report to support Mahindas dictatorship agenda.there is no direct evidence of her being beaten by her current husband , If there is the reporter should report it.. not just arouse suspicions . This is one of the featured articles .. Please be more selective in featuring such bullshit .

    SLYankee
    December 20, 2012 at 3:44 am
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  8. 0
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    Well Let me correct certain things here . These two lived in Aus. So is Austrlaia when the Woman want more freedom and want to party ect the easiest thing to do it to take an AVO against the husband. Thats non other than a Third class act making use of the Western Law.These things never exist in Sri Lanka. Women do have faults. But they take the Law to their hands and Men have to tolarate. If the woman gets caught for betray, lying etc What should Men do? Women know this loophole and run th to the police and then get an AVO. this is done by third class Women acting on third Clas advice. These things existed too in Sri Lanka but they never run to the police. So y run to the police in Australia.SHAME on these Third class Women to bahave like this in Australia and they simply use the law to get away from their husbands and enjoy freedom.

    AusMan
    December 20, 2012 at 2:53 pm
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    • 0
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      its strange logic A woman seeking protection using a restraining order or limiting an abuser to 50 yds or more, is 3rd class? abusing a female or a male,is then,reverse logic,is First class?

      drbs
      December 20, 2012 at 4:02 pm
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  9. 0
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    Abuse of humans and other living beigns, is univrsal, and not easy to understand, and nearly impossible to treat, even in cases where a direct cause and effect relatonship exists, between violence towards women[the more common ]and well known mental disordrs, and factors that precipitat the violence. treatment is there for those who are willing to or forced to receive therapy and corrrect the malady. but even in societies with very severe punishment and incarceration, this form alone does not eliminate the violence, or reduce the incidence significantly. one way is to avoid contacts,conflicts with abusers. thet seek reasons to attack,assault, maime,disfigure or kill. it often becomes a question of sevre conflicts re property rights, Men[more often] think of women as chattel, personal propoerty, beholden to them and no one, some clearly believe that extreme puishment or death, is the proper way to obtain rtherapists, lag far behind the needs. edress. some families,take the sideof theabuser,and are supportive or helpless to intervene. lankan society is making progress,but does not seem to show much advance,in he past 50 yrs, punishment is ineffectice[those in power are totally immune] and treatment atrociously lacking, as the numbr of psychiatric specialists,assisted by properly trined therapist,lag behind the needs of the society,with such a high degree of domestic and sexual violence[some evencall it 'they deserved it'] some are born with defectie genes,and some learn from the bad family and subcultures[where power and money,guard the criinal acts,until its too late to take any corrective action. but still there is hope for many,the path is not rosy,no rapid cure,no guaranteed success.

    drbs
    December 20, 2012 at 3:08 pm
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  10. 0
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    re protective order. this is essential, though it maybe often abused,and can be done by either party. if a man or woman wants to run around or leave a marriage, itts a basic human right, and could end in separation, and less need for violent thought, but t alone does not solve the problem. something tends to linger on, wanting and seeking retribution, long after the so called justification for violence ends. this is often a lasting Karma. thet just refuse to let go, hang on,and torment all around them.

    drbs
    December 20, 2012 at 3:14 pm
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  11. 0
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    This article is a mud sling from Naradas Ex-wife(Lakshi ) aka “chandi rajina” who is known for beating up guys and girls in sri lankan clubs.If you want to find out who is the real domestic violent person you can ask around people in colombo what she is!!! Dont read everything you read and hear!just like lord buddha said question,understand(investigate,find the real truth”) and then believe.

    Ivana
    December 20, 2012 at 8:00 pm
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    • 0
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      Yea sure mate :-)

      chamara
      December 25, 2012 at 1:51 am
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      Dear Ivana, “chandi rajina” ?? first time i have heard of that or did you cook that name up in order to safe guard the dissanayake clan?? since u follow the words of the budda let me tell u some truths! The Dissanayakes are well known to have bad tempers, and this includes SB who beat up his wife thamara while he was in love with susanthika and as for narada, he is the same. He beat up the “chandi rajina” to a point where the girl could barely go out cos her face and body was so badly bruised. Including punching her in the face and spitting on her and giving her verbal abuse! he goes to the extent of beating her up if she doesnt cook,clean or even bring him a glass of water! so get your facts right before u go accusing ppl! And as for Sabrina Herft! she knew exactly what she was getting into it. she knew he was abusive but she went ahead for the ride! considering the fact that sabrina was the woman [EDITED OUT] before finally ending up with the abuser! whoever is reading this im sure you all know who we are talking about! now after this post is made there will be accusations of haters, jealousy and all that! sabrina you know what you did! so you can deny all you want and pretend to be the innocent damsel in distress that you are! the truth is a bitter pill to swallow, but herft you made your bed now lie in it! and you deserve it!give it some time before he starts punching u in the face for talking to a guy or going for a coffee with friends or not bringing him water! before talking about domestic violence stop hiding the fact your with the biggest abuser of them all!

      Shanix
      December 26, 2012 at 4:53 pm
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        And you know this how??? Tool!

        Shanix is an idiot
        January 14, 2013 at 11:19 pm
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  12. 0
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    SB Dissanaka, Mervyn silva & more are in good positions robbing the country no matter what political party comes to power. Lanka will be the stupidest nation in the world. Thanks to Voters.

    Nimal
    December 21, 2012 at 2:59 am
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    Domestic Violance exists in all societies. Divorces are end result in most cases of DV. Now couples sign a ‘Prenuptial Agreement’ in front of a lawyer,detailing the aftermath,in case of divorce,especially division of material posessions,custody of children,visiting rights etc. DV can be precipitated by either partner’s behaviour. There are also ‘Anger Management’ courses – anger is trigger to violence. This couple should agree & speak with a marriage counseller. Sri Lanka Spring is ‘batting’ for Sabrina who married knowing the previous history of Narada.She may/should blame herself for the DV which occurred. Was she induced more by Narada’s wealth than by love? This often happens. Beauty contests have no connection with DV.

    justice
    December 21, 2012 at 3:43 pm
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  14. 0
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    I have different take. Sabrina knows exactly who Narada is and what he is capable of. But who else would like to live with her as a respectable husband and wife. On the other hand, if she refuses to live with SB’s son, she knows she cannot live in SriLanka. So, for a person in her situation, this is the price she has to pay if she wants a short time pompous life.

    Dr Arun Vincent
    December 21, 2012 at 5:53 pm
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  15. 0
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    Some young people, be it male or female, once they become popular in some achievement they wish to seek more and more endless fame. So they look for another male of female who too is popular in some form to establish connection. Then they treat marriage not it sanctity it deserves but for the sake of marrying. At the end they suffer. Greed of any sort brings sufferings. So let this fame seeking lass is in the same predicament. A lesson for others.

    Mohmar
    December 24, 2012 at 8:00 pm
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  16. 0
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    Perhaps Miss Herfts intended father in law played an important part in her selection as Miss Sri Lanka as everything in Sri Lanka happens these days

    gamini
    December 25, 2012 at 8:50 am
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    Quote: Chandrika exposed this rascal. Videographed his palace” for all to see……..One exposed. The other… CBK was required to be videographed as her doing were transparent and all to see. One rogue screwed by another another Okkoma kamba Horu.

    dicky Bird
    December 26, 2012 at 10:15 am
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  18. 0
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    If a women becomes a victim of or is subjected to domestic violence can we please stop examining her for all her faults and start actually placing blame where it is due – i.e. The person perpetrating the violence.

    Roshan
    January 7, 2013 at 6:05 pm
    Reply

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