By Emil van der Poorten –
As no contributor to any of the English-language media has taken this particular bull by the horns, let me try to formulate a plan that not only recognizes the current “Sri Lankan Reality” but which might lend itself to enhancing the reputation of the Debacle of Asia (DoA) or the land where democracy is DoA (Dead on Arrival).
We have recently seen the emergence of the Bodhu Bala Sena (BBS), Sinhala Ravaya etc. as clear examples of government policy implementation, notwithstanding the unconvincing denials of those of the “dead left” within the government.
I believe that, rather than decry what organizations such as the BBS are seeking to establish in Sri Lanka, we should join them and help them establish the instruments of Sinhala Buddhist Civilization without further ado. That is particularly essential given the current definition of “patriotism” which is the cry of “Ehei Hamduruwaney” whenever Our Beloved Leader makes a pronouncement of any description. A side benefit of such behavior could be defined as immunity from being transported against one’s will in vans of a particularly pale hue.
In addition, taking advantage of a recent government pronouncement that control will be affected over ALL religions to ensure that the four primary faiths – Buddhism, Hinduism, Christianity and Islam – are not further corrupted through the efforts of those whose conduct does not meet with the approval of the government, we should strain every sinew to help in that enterprise. After all, we are NOT a multicultural nation but one in which, by Presidential Exhortation at least, we have erased all those elements of ethnic difference, to meld into one Sri Lankan nation whose characteristics will continue to be defined by Our Beloved Leader.
I would, in fact, take this Presidential Exhortation a step farther: I would bring together a group of theologians – to be chosen by him – who are capable of developing a primer which will encompass all the fundamentals of each religion in such a manner that they can be codified into a New Book (NB) that contains all those elements of each of the mainline faiths that our ruling family finds acceptable. In fact we already have at least one Anglican Bishop and a Roman Catholic Cleric who was considered a dark horse in the “papal stakes” who have demonstrated their eternal fealty to our Royal Family who can set the standards in such a formation. Once they and their colleagues are appointed, no deviation from the rules they set will be permitted. In the event of any contraventions of those rules, appropriate punishments will be carried out in a form clearly defined in Appendix I to the New Book.
It should be clearly understood from the very outset that these rules and regulations will apply to all those already adhering to any of the mainline faiths. As for those terming themselves as Free Thinkers, Agnostics, Atheists etc., a humane system of removing them from Sri Lanka will be defined in Appendix II to the NB.
Since the Mahavamsa is being updated currently, it is essential that the establishment of the new nation in all its glory be entered, in detail, in that great journal. This task will be entrusted to a person nominated by the Bodhu Bala Sena, the logical body for such a purpose.
As a means of ensuring the success of this venture, the continuing purity of what is set in place and the future of the New Nation, all symbols of existing religions will be removed from their current locations, the architecture of such places of worship modified so that there is no indication of what they were previously, ensuring absolute uniformity and conformity as defined by the Chief Executive of Sri Lanka.
Any future construction of places of worship will be at the absolute discretion of the President of Sri Lanka or his appointee(s).
The original document defining the new faith will be housed in the new Mahinda Rajapaksa National Museum and Archive to be built in the Hambantota area, as part of the complex comprising the cricket stadium, international airport, and port with an electrified fence to keep out marauding elephants, both of the political and wild kind.
In a display of solidarity with regimes of similar democratic disposition, we will make Kim Jong Un, the President of North Korea, Honorary Advisor in Chief in all matters religious and spiritual.