20 May, 2019

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Ehei Hamduruwaney: A New Religio-Political Order For Sri Lanka

By Emil van der Poorten –

Emil van der Poorten

As no contributor to any of the English-language media has taken this particular bull by the horns, let me try to formulate a plan that not only recognizes the current “Sri Lankan Reality” but which might lend itself to enhancing the reputation of the Debacle of Asia (DoA) or the land where democracy is DoA (Dead on Arrival).

We have recently seen the emergence of the Bodhu Bala Sena (BBS), Sinhala Ravaya etc. as clear examples of government policy implementation, notwithstanding the unconvincing denials of those of the “dead left” within the government.

I believe that, rather than decry what organizations such as the BBS are seeking to establish in Sri Lanka, we should join them and help them establish the instruments of Sinhala Buddhist Civilization without further ado. That is particularly essential given the current definition of “patriotism” which is the cry of “Ehei Hamduruwaney” whenever Our Beloved Leader makes a pronouncement of any description. A side benefit of such behavior could be defined as immunity from being transported against one’s will in vans of a particularly pale hue.

In addition, taking advantage of a recent government pronouncement that control will be affected over ALL religions to ensure that the four primary faiths – Buddhism, Hinduism, Christianity and Islam – are not further corrupted through the efforts of those whose conduct does not meet with the approval of the government, we should strain every sinew to help in that enterprise. After all, we are NOT a multicultural nation but one in which, by Presidential Exhortation at least, we have erased all those elements of ethnic difference, to meld into one Sri Lankan nation whose characteristics will continue to be defined by Our Beloved Leader.

I would, in fact, take this Presidential Exhortation a step farther: I would bring together a group of theologians – to be chosen by him – who are capable of developing a primer which will encompass all the fundamentals of each religion in such a manner that they can be codified into a New Book (NB) that contains all those elements of each of the mainline faiths that our ruling family finds acceptable. In fact we already have at least one Anglican Bishop and a Roman Catholic Cleric who was considered a dark horse in the “papal stakes” who have demonstrated their eternal fealty to our Royal Family who can set the standards in such a formation. Once they and their colleagues are appointed, no deviation from the rules they set will be permitted. In the event of any contraventions of those rules, appropriate punishments will be carried out in a form clearly defined in Appendix I to the New Book.

It should be clearly understood from the very outset that these rules and regulations will apply to all those already adhering to any of the mainline faiths. As for those terming themselves as Free Thinkers, Agnostics, Atheists etc., a humane system of removing them from Sri Lanka will be defined in Appendix II to the NB.

Since the Mahavamsa is being updated currently, it is essential that the establishment of the new nation in all its glory be entered, in detail, in that great journal. This task will be entrusted to a person nominated by the Bodhu Bala Sena, the logical body for such a purpose.

As a means of ensuring the success of this venture, the continuing purity of what is set in place and the future of the New Nation, all symbols of existing religions will be removed from their current locations, the architecture of such places of worship modified so that there is no indication of what they were previously, ensuring absolute uniformity and conformity as defined by the Chief Executive of Sri Lanka.

Any future construction of places of worship will be at the absolute discretion of the President of Sri Lanka or his appointee(s).

The original document defining the new faith will be housed in the new Mahinda Rajapaksa National Museum and Archive to be built in the Hambantota area, as part of the complex comprising the cricket stadium, international airport, and port with an electrified fence to keep out marauding elephants, both of the political and wild kind.

In a display of solidarity with regimes of similar democratic disposition, we will make Kim Jong Un, the President of North Korea, Honorary Advisor in Chief in all matters religious and spiritual.

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Latest comments

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    I think the stage is being set for a new religon called Rajapakism. The new God is our beloved leader, the jewel of magampura and the numerous korales including nagadvipa and nandikulam. His exalted status being almost to the level of god almighty as he can appoint and disappoint any of his loyal or delinquent subjects at the flick of the wrist thanks to the 18th amendment.

    The holy book shall hereafter be known as the chinthana and all activities of his emminence shall be recorded in the Nawa Vansa Kathawa by his loyal scribes Lalith, Lucien and Anthony. These shall later be appended to the mahawansa as an update.

    His chief priest and disciple will be Ven Gota who will teach all sri lankans and the international community how to defeat terrorism which is the cardinal sin of the new religon. All new recruits to the religon shall be required to undergo leadership training at Methsevana organised by the BBS. BBS shall be the official police and custodians of the country under the new religon.

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    Simply naming it as “New Book”(NB)won’t do justice to this masterpiece. Lets call it the “Myna RajaPassa Non-International Conspiracy Multi Religious Chinthana Codex.” :)

    Let’s also get
    Chandrasiri Weligamage (JP)
    (B.A. Diploma in Journey Lissome)
    Black Belt 3rd dan,
    Editor
    General Secretary – IndepenDunce Media Association of Sri RajaPakistan, to write the preface to this religious masterpiece. :)

    …he certainly did a great job with the Mattala Rajapaksa Newsletter. :)

    https://www.colombotelegraph.com/index.php/ambassador-nonis-refrained-from-circulating-mattala-rajapaksa-newsletter/

  • 0
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    Is this meant to be a political satire? Please tell me, so that I can start to laugh.

    • 0
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      Rambler:
      That is entirely up to your judgement.
      Curiously, I seem to experience a similar difficulty with your comment – is it meant to be satirical or is it just stupid. However, you appear to have a distinct advantage in this discussion – the protection afforded by those to whom you, obviously, play acolyte.

      • 0
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        Emil

        Gotcha! Now I’m laughing!!

  • 0
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    Rambler so you are not just a paid lackey , you are dumb as well ! Ah but then aren’t they all ?

    • 0
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      Emil & Don

      You guys are in a terrible situation. I don’t blame you guys for being paranoid and bitter because

      1)Those who agree with you are insane
      2)Those who do not agree with you are in power.

      • 0
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        Rambler:
        If you’d paid attention in kindergarten you’d remember the school-yard saying, “the drunk man thinks the road is crooked” which bears appropriate application when someone accuses all those opposed to him and his “handlers” – Nelson Mandela, Noam Chomsky, Arundhathi Roy etc. etc – of being insane because of what they see before them.
        When you and your xenophobic handlers climb out of their small-diameter well, they MIGHT realise that the whole world is not conspiring against the Debacle of Asia and that the motivation of those who bribed Prabhakaran to win an election could bear some scrutiny, particularly given the use to which that money was obviously put!

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          Emil van der Poorten

          You don’t have to labour so much to defend your position and launch an attack on me. I’m certain you’re mistaking me for somebody else that you must be hating so much. Sorry to disappoint you. Just for the record, I don’t sing for my supper or hobnob with people you seem to be morbidly obsessed with. Your name calling gives me endless amusement. I like to express my views as an independent and critical observer for whatever it is worth. That’s all.

          Don’t stop washing your ass just because you are angry with the well.

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            Rambler:
            It seems quite evident from your display of “erudition” that you DID graduate from kindergarten. However, that graduation, obviously, did not provide you with the ability to display the ability/will to answer simple propositions without launching into what you obviously consider brilliant expositions and wit.
            There seems to be one person around who believes you when you say, “I like to express my views as an independent and critical observer for whatever it is worth.” Unfortunately, that person seems to be you.

            And apropos of toilet habits, I am sure the atmosphere would smell a lot sweeter without emanations of the kind you and your friends inflict upon all of us.

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