By Kiribanda De Silva Sumansekara –
Dear President Obama,
This is the same Sinhala Buddhist person who wrote you about a week ago. I am a true Sinhala Buddhist and I am truly angry that world does not want to learn anything from us even though Sri Lanka is the only island of Dharma left the world.
But on reading my previous letter again along with really unpatriotic comments to it, I realized that I was wrong. I was wrong to call you ‘an idiot’.
I am writing you to say “I am sorry.” And I am sending this note through Madam Michele J. Sison, your ambassador, in our beautiful country since I want her Excellency to know that I am sorry. Otherwise hurt by my previous letter to you, she would stop taking Sinhala Buddhism classes from great monks of Bodu Bala Sena, Sinhala Rawaya and Jatika Hela Urumaya. They are greatest teachers of the meditation of loving-kindness. It is a well-known fact that those great monks teach the Great Truth in Buddhism to all ambassadors in Sri Lanka. They can teach at least in six languages, and that has been the tradition of our country. Your ambassador is the best student in those classes. If the Christian fundamentalists do not burn down Buddhist temples now mushrooming in every American city, the message of Buddhist truth will surely take root in America. With your ambassador’s Sinhala Buddhist background I trust her to deliver this message to you. I have given her my consent to publish this letter if she sees it fitting.
Let me get to the main points. First of all, I am sorry that I have called you an idiot. Sinhala Buddhists are known to say “sorry.” We have learnt that from our state itself. Remember right after the ending of the war in 2009, our president said, “I am glad the war is over. As a Buddhist person I am sorry that if my armies mistakenly hurt any innocent Tamils. I am sorry if a child, a woman was killed in the war. I am sorry if any properties belonging to Tamil people were damaged. I am sorry if the cows belonging to Tamil people were killed.” That historic speech is now more famous than the Gettysburg Address. It was a very touching moment in our history. We all cried on that day. We cooked milk rice (an auspicious food) and took them to the Buddha and collectively said “sorry” to every victim of war. So, I am not shy to say sorry to you. Sir, you are not an idiot.
In fact from my Sinhala Buddhist vantage point, you are a genius. Let me explain why. When you bring up that proposal against us in Geneva, we will light firecrackers in Sri Lanka. All our streets will be a sight to watch. We will cook milk rice on streets- not the milk rice of repentant that we cooked in 2009 but the milk rice of utmost happiness. We have an election coming up. That election is going to be a battle between enemies and heroes of the Sinhala nation. To put it in the words of our great sage Nalin de Silva’s words, it is a battle between slaves of Christian Judaic thought and Sinhala Buddhist thought. Your Geneva proposals are going to support us, Sinhala Buddhist heroes. Now, I realize that it is your plan, too, you genius!
Already our hero President has got our people crying by saying, “I am ready to sit in that electric chair. Now in Sri Lanka we can walk safely in streets, now we can play with kids in parks, now we can travel in public trains with no fear. Even I as the president do not take my security personnel personal with me when traveling around the country. I have disbanded the Presidential Security Division(PSD). I have sent back my personal body guards to their usual underworld duties. I travel by trains by busses because I have no fear now. My ministers! They too have no fear now. They do not use a single security guard now. Because we have no fear. We have peace. I have created a country that has no fear of life. If there is an iota of fear in someone, there are plenty white vans of peace. I have created peace. If that is a crime, I am ready to go to that Geneva electric chair.”
When our president utters such brave words banging his chest with his hands so hard the entire Sinhala Buddhist nation erupts in a patriotic elation. During this election, he will do this performance wherever he goes. Thank you Sir, You are a genius.
Our president is also a genius, obviously. He has given the leadership of the Western Province Team that runs for the election to one of greatest Buddhists in human history. He is already performing nicely like a great actor. “If Geneva wants send a Sinhala Buddhist to that killer chair, I am ready!” Please ask your ambassador in Colombo, she must have seen heroic oratory of Mr. Gammanpila Upasaka– (upasaka is an honorific name given to true Buddhists by god Sakra.) Gammanpila Upasaka is man of non-violence, and during the war, along the next Buddhist president of the country, Mr. Champika Ranwaka, he was fighting for “tree-rights”, “animal-rights”, “water-rights” and so on because he was sure that there were no human right issues here.
Then, minister Wimal Weerawansha, who made Google company bankrupt by sending it out business in Sri Lanka, is already claiming that he has the most credentials to sit on that electric chair in Geneva. He has already bought a one-way ticket to Geneva so that he can sit on that chair on behalf of the president or along with him. Dear Mr. President Obama during this election campaign for provincial councils, our Sinhala Buddhist heroes talk about that magic electric chair in Geneva more than the officials chairs the councilors are sit in when then win the election. Thank you for that, you are a genius.
I know that you helped us during the war. Your country was influential in getting the LTTE banned in Europe. I am Sinhala Buddhist with a great sense of gratitude. Now, even during this relatively small election you are helping us again. Please give my sincere thanks to Tamil diaspora agents who are pressing you to bring these Geneva proposals. This election is the dress rehearsal for a presidential election next year. So, when you bring those great proposals in March, our president by banging his chest, can convince the people that he is the man who is ready to die for the country. Thank you Mr. Obama, you are a genius.
Dear Mr. Obama, you know that we do not have anything to hide. You can watch all the War Movies made those days by our national TV. We did not fire any heavy weapons. When we were really pressed to fire them, we directed them straight in to the sky, and having seen that awesome display of fire power, the terrorists ran away and people came towards us. By the way, please tell your Tamil diaspora friends that the LTTE was real Gandhian, and what they had for guns were just toys looking like guns made of some palm tree branches, and that made our war largely non-violent. About this fact, I will be writing a “thank you letter” to the Prime Minister of the LTTE exiled government.
Let me wind up this short thank you note for now. Please go ahead with Geneva, it is the best thing that can happen to our president at this moment. What is good for president is good for us, people.
Sinhala Buddhism teaches us that a non-Bodhisatva must not be the king of this Island of Dharma. Therefore, we know that all our kings are Bodhisattvas. Our president is our king; so he is a Bodhisattva ready to sacrifice himself on that Geneva electric chair.
By the way, if you want to run for presidency again please let us know. We will bring some proposal against you citing examples from Iraq, Afghanistan, from everywhere in the world for that matter, in Geneva so that you can bang your chest really hard sying, “I am ready sit on that electric chair” for the sake of American democracy, Hollywood, KFC, Pizza Hut, World Peace and so on. You will be the president in America again in the same way ours will be next year.
Thank you again for your Helping Sri Lanka Project in Geneva. Even the greatest country in the world needs some help once in a while.
Sincerely Yours
Kiribanda de Silva Sumansekara
Palmsquirrell / February 17, 2014
What on earth is this rambling nonsense; is it supposed to be witty, because it doesn’t come across as such.
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Katmai / February 17, 2014
As he has said clearly… he’s a Sinhala Buddhist, no?
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Dude / February 17, 2014
Brilliant stuff JA keep it coming!
Makes a long dead afternoon worth living and laughing through!
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Dude / February 17, 2014
Great picture too of US Prez reading the LLRC report (?!), CT editor, Thanks!
Maybe put a pic of Jarapassa in his armchair with the LLRC report – next to BO..
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Thiru / February 17, 2014
Sri Lanka Oh Sri Lanka,
You have become the laughing stock of the world mocked even by your own sons of the soil,
what a pity your Sinhalese politician ‘leaders’ have brought upon you!
You are truly a land like no other, when you ask for water you end up in tears.
You are truly a tear drop island, that you are destined to be.
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Liberal One / February 18, 2014
Lol sons of soil to the diaspora. Traitorous scum to the real Sri Lankans. The agents of diaspora and west lost all credibility after 2006 and their jobs. That is the reason for these childish attacks on all those responsible for exposing them.
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mike / February 17, 2014
The problem is Jarapassa won’t understand the nature, effect and content of the LLRC report??
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Jude / February 18, 2014
Mr. Pathala Champika Ranwaka, was fighting for “tree-rights”, “animal-rights”, “water-rights” and so on because he was sure that there were no human right issues here…
Excellent statement!
Tomorrow the Ravaya Balu Sena which is a JHU/Gota arm is going to self-immolate because enforced disappearances of persons is to be made a ‘crime’ in the Miracle of Asia!
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Mohammed / February 20, 2014
There is only one man who laid the foundation for Bodu Bala Sena, Sinhala Ravaya, Ravana Balaya, and all other Sinhala-Buddhist Racist/fanatic organizations (including JHU) in Sri Lanka that is engaged in Anti-Muslim/Christian Hate campaigns and attacks on Mosques and Churches. It is none other than Gangodawila Soma Thero who suddenly appeared from nowhere (or rather from Australia in 1996).
Through his Hate speeches/sermons during the late 1990s against the Muslims and Christians in Sri Lanka, he brainwashed the Sinhala-Buddhists (especially in the villages) by preaching that the real enemies of Sinhala-Buddhists are nobody but Muslims & Christians. He also carried out a campaign to root out misconceptions entertained by all Sinhala-Buddhists with regard to the worship of Hindu deities. He had a huge number of followers in Sri Lanka. Even Gota is one of his brainwashed follower. They would have started a Religious war against Muslims & Christians in late 1990s itself if there was no LTTE. The moment LTTE was crushed, they immediately started their next program to crush the Muslims & Christians.
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kumaraya / February 18, 2014
He wont get anywhere in the US if the BBS and company goes round in the US, burning churches and hammering the Christians! Lets first try to live according to the teachings of the Enlightened One before we try to convert others. “Before you look for the speck in your brother’s eye, remove the beam from your own”, is a Christian teaching that we may all take seriously!!
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Prasad / February 17, 2014
What a Great absolutely humorous and extremely witty and sarcastic (tongue-in-cheek) article. The author Kiribanda De Silva Sumansekara (again funny, a very rare low and up country mixed name). Unfortunately, only a very few can understand it. Most of the dim-wits here have already started criticizing it. Unfortunately most Sri Lankans are unable to understand irony and sarcasm.
Kiribanda De Silva, great man, please continue such hilarious tongue-in-cheek articles. BTW, most of what you have said here is true.
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Ex-Islander / February 17, 2014
Would you believe this creep (Gandaya)used to be writing to newspapers in Ceylon for 50 years, and edited some? He introduced Taraki the spy and has been the USIS and American embassy pay roll of Arack and soda all that time.
Pathe Kalavedda!
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Liberal One / February 17, 2014
We should be happy that the once powerful NGO scum are reduced to jokes now.
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Kutti Machan / February 17, 2014
Puny in the Palm, Squirrel
This is the best joke. Even the unashamed squirrel-brained Tiger is pissed off by this anti-Sri Lankan, anti-Sinhala Buddhist racism parading as political satire. That means 2 things: Kiribanda de Silva Sumansekara’s (even the name is unfunny) humour sucks, and he must find a day job. Second, the squirrel has some humanity still left in him and he should work on it.
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Amarasiri / February 17, 2014
Dear Kiribanda De Silva Sumansekara,
Thank you for explaining the Sinhala Buddhist point of view and other goodies of the Dhamm Deepaya.
You forgot to mention that the Imported Sinhala Buddists have pushed out the Native Veddahs of the island, just as the Europeans did to the Native Indians.
Because of that the Native Veddah calls the Sinhala Buddhists and Tamil Hindus, Para-Sinhala and Para-Demala. In fact, the Native Veddahs call all the non-Native Veddahs, Parangio. This include, the Sinhala, the Tamil, the Muslims, the Portuguese, thr Dutch. the English, the Bengali, ther Orissians and the old Kalingans.
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Burt / February 17, 2014
Why is CT even wasting space with articles like this. I agree that papers should carry different points of view but it should be logically sound not stupid rambling.
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Spring Koha / February 18, 2014
The original article in Sinhala was quite superb and a rip-roaring chuckle (our cook was rolling about holding her sides)but the translator has pherked-up the English version. What to do?
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Ajith / February 17, 2014
“I am truly angry that world does not want to learn anything from us even though Sri Lanka is the only island of Dharma left the world.””
Srilanka is the only island of “Evil” left in the civilized world. Sinhalese Buddhists is the only race that still enjoy drinking human blood.
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Paul / February 17, 2014
The writer is a fool.
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Burning_Issue / February 17, 2014
Paul,
He is not a fool far from it; he is satirically exposing your fallacy by which I mean the sanctimonious Sinhala Buddhist hypocrisy! You should be able to identify yourself in his writing and that is why you do not like it!
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Paul / February 17, 2014
He is a fool. He was trying to be sarcastic but failed. Rather like the LTTE trying to use CT for their propaganda.
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Burning_Issue / February 17, 2014
How do you know that he has failed?
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Javi / February 18, 2014
“”The writer is a fool.””
[Edited out].
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Deshapriya / February 17, 2014
honestly Colombopage, why do you publish such nonsensical gibberish?? keep up some standards please!!!!
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Prasad / February 17, 2014
Satire is the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it. This is Satire at its best.
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rushmi / February 17, 2014
Kiribanda
[Edited out]
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Maghribi / February 17, 2014
The non lethal electric chair could win a lot of sympathy votes in an election campaign. Most people can be fooled all the time. Media can turn an idiot to a genius.
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The Last Dinosaur / February 17, 2014
Superb Satire…
Again only a small number of readers would understand that this is a satire..
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Palmsquirrell / February 17, 2014
The question is who was the target of the satire; was the writer sarcastically taking a shot at the ruling regime or was the writer taking a shot at the international critics of the regime. In places it seemed like the former but in others it seemed like the latter.
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Burning_Issue / February 17, 2014
What are you on about? If you do not understand as to what is the purpose of such a satirical writing, you have no hope!
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Palmsquirrell / February 17, 2014
There are segements of the article where it clearly seems like he is taking a poke at the current regime and its supporters, like below:
” Otherwise hurt by my previous letter to you, she would stop taking Sinhala Buddhism classes from great monks of Bodu Bala Sena, Sinhala Rawaya and Jatika Hela Urumaya. They are greatest teachers of the meditation of loving-kindness.”
Yet below quote appears to suggest that criticism of MaRa only strengths his support
” When our president utters such brave words banging his chest with his hands so hard the entire Sinhala Buddhist nation erupts in a patriotic elation. During this election, he will do this performance wherever he goes. Thank you Sir, You are a genius.”
I will admit that overall it does take a critical tone of the Regime , in the form of sarcasm.
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Rohan / February 17, 2014
Tube light :)
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Palmsquirrell / February 17, 2014
Upon re-reading it, I admit I was wrong and it does come across as sarcasm critical of the current regime.
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Kutti Machan / February 17, 2014
Burnt_Tissue
Yes, both Palm-sized Squirrel and Barikinda Sumansekara must both be sent to the electric-chair.
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Palmsquirrell / February 17, 2014
No one will send a Palm Squirrell to harm as it is loved by all Sri Lankans!
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Prasad / February 17, 2014
One of the best Satire I read after a long time. sarcasm right from the beginning till end. As you said, only a very few can understand.
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george jilmart / February 17, 2014
The usual crap from sumnasekera, waduragedera and jim softboy king cupper
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JULAMPITIYE AMARAYA / February 17, 2014
Even Monkeys in the Jungle are banging their chests with their hands.
Very soon, F King Jarapassa, Hothambaya, his USa sibilings together with their public Looting clan,
Late Killer Pirapaharan, Hival Booruwangsa, K P, Pillyan, Karuna amman, Kudu Vermin, Kudu Duimiya,
Galgoda Gandhasssara, Upasaka Gamanpillai, Upasaka Champian Ranawka, Saint Ranil, Chora puthra Sajith and other so called Patriots Upasaks are in the Queue to have their ticket for NIRVANA.
But the guys in front may get White van treatment.
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AVB / February 17, 2014
It is good and light reading… sounds like Jagath Ashoka writing again with different style..
Translation of this article to Sinhala would be popular because style of sarcasm used here would go very well with Sinhalese.
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Prasad / February 17, 2014
A very intelligent person has written this, yes, most probably Dr. Jagath Ashoka. He is very capable of such satirical writings.
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jagath asoka / February 18, 2014
A brilliant article! Some people think that I wrote it; I only wish that I had. As I have said there are brilliant Sri Lankan writers: we need to write in Sinhalese; I am relearning my mother tongue: reading Encyclopedia of Sinhala Language and culture by J.B. Dissanayake, a gift given by my childhood friend.
I would have used “Karr*banda.”
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Javi / February 18, 2014
Jagath,
Don’t think of that PP because at this moment in time the place would become the one and only SB state of India as before 1948.。◕‿◕。
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Kutti Machan / February 18, 2014
Dr. Jagath Asoka
How ya doin’ Doc? Nice to hear your voice again.
Looks like Barikinda has taken over your position.
We are amused.
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srilal / February 18, 2014
Machan Jagath ,
i miss your writing here man , why you gave up so easily , don’t be discouraged and dejected by the few negative comments , as you know those who criticize you are none other than the regime backers and they are being paid to do so , i personally don’t read usual suspects comments or any of their articles , perhaps you could do the same Jagath !
Looking forward to hear from you ,
Take care.
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Sirimal / February 18, 2014
Dont worry, when time comes I think he will write again.
You too are one of my favourite commentators on this platform.
Cheers from EU (sunny but still very cold weather over here :()
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srilal / February 19, 2014
Thanks Sirimal , we must do our part without being biased to a particular party or a particular person , personally i don’t trust any politician , even though the opposition promise Sun & Moon now , once they come to power , there won’t be much difference , that’s why i always support for a robust , idiot proof system ( Scrapping Executive Presidency) to be introduced , hopefully Ven Sobitha/CBK combo will do the needful next year (with the help of 17 th Amendment)!
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Javi / February 19, 2014
“Ven Sobitha/CBK combo will do the needful next year (with the help of 17 th Amendment)!”
The vatee amma will quote UK and even Cameron as having not kept his word and stick like glue. The minorities especially the tamils having gone thus far will never accept and keep MR till his family is done.
_______
It is in our lives and not our words that our religion must be read.- Thomas Jefferson
Hitler and his men did not bomb churches where most folk naturally took refuge.
The Japanese Buddhist killed millions of unarmed Asians and bombed even St Lucia’s cathedral and are yet to apologise.
SWRD the man who studied the functioning Inner Temple functioning (Knights in Armour) and wanted Sinhala Buddhist only is the dream world you live in.
Monks operate in Dalit colonies from the south to the north of India having gained citizenship under the Indo lanka agreements. Now don’t be surprised even the bribe taking Punjabis could never include Pali as classical even though they could have been included with the lowered standards.
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T Wickramaratna / February 17, 2014
This is an insult to sri Lankans
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Burning_Issue / February 17, 2014
No, not all Sri Lankans as it is targetted at the Sinhala Buddhist chauvinists. Are you one of them?
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Maveeran / February 18, 2014
Its an insult to the Sinhala Buddhists not an insult to the Srilankans!
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Vasu / February 17, 2014
Is CT a platform for any kind of opinion or any kind of quality opinion?
true Sinhala Buddhist, ‘an idiot’
As a Buddhist person I am sorry that if my armies mistakenly hurt any innocent Tamils. I am sorry if a child, a woman was killed in the war. I am sorry if any properties belonging to Tamil people were damaged. I am sorry if the cows belonging to Tamil people were killed.”
I can take the whole article to laugh
Even for a clown we should give a chance, right?
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Fathima Fukushima / February 17, 2014
Thank you IPKF for your service to Tamils in SL!!
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Safa / February 17, 2014
No doubt MR who is now destined for the Electric Putuwa will be the Veeraya of all the cheering hoi polloi. Consequently they will vote for all his thugs, kudu karayas, rapist chairman, nalu niliyo at the PC elections. Booruwanse and Gandhapeella will sweep the polls to become candidates for the post of Maha Hora of the PC.
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Dawn Dale / February 17, 2014
This is pure genius. wonderful humour
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Happy / February 17, 2014
Small brains,small pleasures :-)
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Prasad / February 17, 2014
Of course, small brains cannot understand such witty articles.
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James Bollard / February 17, 2014
Can’t our president ask for an electric train with many electric chairs instead on one electric chair, so the whole lot of govt ministers, MPs and their families can take a one way ride?
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aratai / February 17, 2014
.
I won’t be surprised if MaRa uses Electric Chair as his election symbol.
:-)
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Kavi Sunderam / February 17, 2014
This is truly brilliant satire,almost Swiftian in its handling of irony.Please keep writng,the man with the wonderfully allusive name Kiribanda de Silva Sumanasekere.I do appreciate your simple tribute to Nalin de Silva by calling him a “sage”. In the future you merely have to say “The Sage of Kelaniya” and it would suffice as as we say “The Pope”.
Re the attacks on you in these pages:satire can never be either understood or appreciated by its very targets.
I look forward to reading joyfully and sorrowfully too your work,particularly to the head of that formidable organization known as the TNGE!
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jansee / February 17, 2014
Wimal Weerawansa, better watch out, this pal of yours appears to be secretly plotting to make you the sacrificial lamb. You don’t have to pay me for this advice.
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Peace / February 17, 2014
“I am a true Sinhala Buddhist and I am truly angry that world does not want to learn anything from us even though Sri Lanka is the only island of Dharma left the world.”
“she would stop taking Sinhala Buddhism classes from great monks of Bodu Bala Sena, Sinhala Rawaya and Jatika Hela Urumaya. They are greatest teachers of the meditation of loving-kindness. It is a well-known fact that those great monks teach the Great Truth in Buddhism to all ambassadors in Sri Lanka.”
Who is this fool MR ass licking writer. Is this idiot having day dream? May be he got March UNHCR fever.
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Peace / February 17, 2014
“Let me get to the main points. First of all, I am sorry that I have called you an idiot. Sinhala Buddhists are known to say “sorry.”
“Remember right after the ending of the war in 2009, our president said, “I am glad the war is over. As a Buddhist person I am sorry that if my armies mistakenly hurt any innocent Tamils. I am sorry if a child, a woman was killed in the war. I am sorry if any properties belonging to Tamil people were damaged. I am sorry if the cows belonging to Tamil people were killed.” That historic speech is now more famous than the Gettysburg Address. It was a very touching moment in our history. We all cried on that day. We cooked milk rice (an auspicious food) and took them to the Buddha and collectively said “sorry” to every victim of war.”
“So, I am not shy to say sorry to you. Sir, you are not an idiot.”
I only heard MR was saying after the war is Zero civilian causality and Our Military is carrying arms in hand and human rights book in the other.”
Properly this idiot is eating Gota’s pig shit too much.
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Babel dayan / February 17, 2014
Beautiful writing! Keep it coming!
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Mervyn Kunu Saliva / February 17, 2014
Kiribanda De Silva Sumansekara you are the idiot. You abusing a country which encourages human rights, law and order. everything in damn sri lanka is collapsed under mada mulana idiot. Educate yourself you moron.
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K.A Sumanasekera / February 17, 2014
My namesake has got it all wrong… Hasn’t he ?.
It was Bush Jr who liberated the poor inhabitants from Mr Vellupillai “Terror” Prababkaran.
According to our Sinhala Buddhist inhabitants Mr Prabakran’s mates in the US and the West helped the Democrat to succeed . with big donations of Tamil moolah and Tamil labour to his election campaigns …
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Javi / February 19, 2014
“Democrat to succeed”
slug is getting old.
Do you know how many billions each candidate spends?? If you think JT’s will part with that type of money then they would have bought you first because you are from their class not vellala No??
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srilal / February 18, 2014
is Dr Jagath Asoka the Author of this article ??
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Javi / February 18, 2014
#no Jay P his mirror! ha ha
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Javi / February 18, 2014
SL also might follow the split that is taking place in India right at the moment. Almost all states want to split into parts.
Live
http://www.firstpost.com/politics/telangana-live-bjp-will-support-bill-and-vote-for-it-says-sushma-1395689.html
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priya / February 18, 2014
Well done again Kiribanda.This is a gem.I personally against one sided articles as all parties have their own share to deal with.Your sarcasm is exeptional.keep writing as we love your letters.Next one for David cameron please.
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Bruz / February 18, 2014
Thank you Dr. Jagath Asoka. I really missed you all this while and so happy to read you again. No one can write like this other than you. I wish I could but I know my capacity-(:
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Sirimal / February 18, 2014
No, just read his comments above. I clearly notice that this cant be a writing by JA.
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universe / February 18, 2014
Excellent letter.There is NO fear? What a joke.There may be no LTTE threat.But this government terrorism far far worse than LTTE… They say no fear, but all the ministers travel with millions of security personal.
Thank you USA and European Union for what you do.As the writer said,This is the ONLY way to teach this THUGS a lesson.
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Aman Faris / February 18, 2014
Bravo! Our version of P.G. Wodehouse!
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